I live in a live of hate and love with pain and sorrow
My big brother told me god said I was to die tomarrow
My big bros crazy and my step moms dead
My dad says I give him aches in his head
My moms in jail she has been most her life
My stepdad, My moms his lovely wife
Hes in jail for like 20 or 30 years
I hope he dosent get longer for killin queers
The rest of my family is pretty much dead to me
Ive never meet most of my cousins you see
My life is bad life and a hard one at that
one night my moms x broke in with a bat
It was bout four in da morrning I was asleep
I was haven dreams about killing sheep
well I heard wispers outside of my room
the all of a fuckin sudden a big "BOOM"
I went in the living room to see what was the fuck was wrong
The I relized I just needed to chill and write me a song
so I did and it was good and this is nothing compared to that
That song was a masterpiece That was so phat
So I guess I better go get bitched at again
If you liked this rap add me as yo freind!

I want yo opinion and that really happened fo real !~!!!!!

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You need to leave 3 names or 3 links of peoples you left feedback on or this will get deleted..

but this was alright...you structured it pretty good, try making your lines around the same length though....add some multies and internals to this to help the flow out a bit more cause it was off at a few spots...vocab was ok, should be up'd thought....but overall i thought this was alright...keep at it and keep dropping.

Good story.. horrible structure... other than that... keep it up..!

story is aight

not really feelin it it deff wasnt to lyrical at all lol...but it shoed some emotion and all..pretty good piece it was ok more of a personalspiece the anything e;se

work on bigger words..story was ok.
keep working at it though.get better.

__________________

MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=94077

hey man vote for funnyest one

VOCAB..MUS BE UP'D

FLOW..WAS OK

STRUCTURE..WAS NORMAL..

overall..the topic and understanding was good...juss up the skillz..

peace kid

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THE RESTRICTED WUN HAS ROZE 2 CONQUER.....AGAIN!


I'M BACK!!!