**this piece i wrote last month, just some stuff i had to get off my chest**

My love for you ran down the cracks of the mountain
Overflooded and uprooted the flowers
and afterward, famined the valley
I looked around at this desolate destruction my love for you caused
recognized the damage of my heart
The wind blows away dust from the land
and i see i'm worth more
I finally understand

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

Oh wow. I think I understand too.

It's about growing in maturity from the breakingupitidiality of a relationship. Right?

Well if that's what it is, then you expressed it dead on in such a way you were able to convey those feelings to me.

Damn, that's like... short yeah, but so much said in so little words.

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

It's about a relationship, but its not so much focused on maturity.......i'll explain it in a few
in the mean time, uppin, it isnt that long people
come on

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

good piece lady, i think if you re wrote this and made it longer this could be very impressive, your words in this made a l,ot of sence and showed great emotion an amazing detail,


My love for you ran down the cracks of the mountain
Overflooded and uprooted the flowers

amazing opener...that was great....keep that up pz

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

realy nice short but it feels like got everything you needed to say about your inner feelings about that person...like young said if it was a bigger pice it would be different more deeper in feelings...keep it up

peace

Thanks for the feedback
I purposely made this piece short
I didnt want to over do it with details
and bore the reader, i was mainly trying
to portray my message using imagery
and personificatin......i havent wrote the
meaning behind it yet
but......yea
uppin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

great gave me a good visual image
keep em coming

Nice and short. Showed good amount of emotion for its lengeth. Maybe you should really continue it.

: )

even through it was shot it still showed emotion and length dosent alway matter. you had a great use of visual image.

Thanks for the feedback

Uppin'

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

nice stuff. ya emotional storytellin was madd heart felt. i feel kinda goofy that i had 2 read this like 4 times to fully understand the last line, but now that i get it. i do understand that love is a great passion with its own power. also much appreciattion foe peepin my stuff as i see 1 good turn deserves anotha.

peAce

__________________
the one that watches the watchmen:

...thanks
uppin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."