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Old 11-30-03, 07:58 PM   #1
Twizted Ayngel
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From: New Jersey
My Conscience

IP:

Definitely felt like this before..

I can't help it.. I think I'm fallin for you, i love everything you do,
Get ahold of yourself, "love" isnt something you wanna go through,
I've been hurt in the past, but I trust him, I dont think he'd hurt me,
Hurt.. yeah.. you been hurt a lot, that's not something you wanna be,
He makes me feel so happy at times, I believe it when he says I'm pretty,
He just wants some pussy - think about it - get down to the nitty gritty,
It's not lust from me, its beginning to be love, I can feel it in my heart,
You have a heart now, but watch him tear it to shreds, he'll rip it apart,
No he won't.. I trust him.. believe me, I know he's not gunna hurt us!!
You say that now, but he will.. but what do I know, I'm just your conscience,
You're being irrational here, just.. let's see, we'll give him a chance,
Give him a chance to hurt us, and just try to get in our pants,
You've fucked up chances at relationships in the past, stop it now,
Dont give him the chance to break the wall we built up.. dont let it down,
Oh shut up, I'm going to do this.. it's what I want, I want a relationship,
Fine, its your decision, but I know he's just going to take us for a trip,
Stop it, its like a sea of love, it's time we take a chance and take a dip.
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Old 11-30-03, 08:10 PM   #2
HaycH
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hmm
Its like your trapped. You get hurt yet keep coming back.. and back AGAIN. Sometimes you just gotta take risks to get what your looking for..

Very nice and simply written to show what your feeling/thinking.

Jyeh!!
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Old 11-30-03, 08:28 PM   #3
Dr.Gonzo
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i liiiiikeee

i liked how you used the two diffrent colors

Fine, its your decision, but I know he's just going to take us for a trip,
Stop it, its like a sea of love, it's time we take a chance and take a dip.

^ i liked this line, i thought wow when i read it, very nice closing

very nice drop
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Old 11-30-03, 08:49 PM   #4
Shi
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From: ...Tha darkest corner of a lil boi's Mind...
IP:

i was feelin it....a poetic mind struggle...nice wae to put how u feel out there..good and bad thoughts on it....very nice..-shi-
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simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-
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Old 11-30-03, 09:19 PM   #5
rule
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From: Ont.
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i kinda got the eminem viber to this..no what i mean? it was a great piece i liked how you did that it reminded me of some songs...this tyle isnt done to often but it was a great piece keep it up
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Old 11-30-03, 09:39 PM   #6
Rhymes
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this poem was like a 2 in 1...
read it in purple and it sounds great
this was great peice i felt like i read 2 instead of one....
gread rhyme scene wen i read the poem as one
overall great work and great skill



peace
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Old 11-30-03, 10:14 PM   #7
twisted_tongue
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I like the conscience and heart thing going on here its really creative and it shows how hesitant people are when they get into another relationship after being hurt. I got no complaints about it....it was good. Keep it up.
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Old 11-30-03, 10:51 PM   #8
.:LadySage:.
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i really liked this, i can relate
we all go thrugh all that mind play on whether it's good or not, true or false
Quote:
I can't help it.. I think I'm fallin for you, i love everything you do,
Get ahold of yourself, "love" isnt something you wanna go through,
I've been hurt in the past, but I trust him, I dont think he'd hurt me,
Hurt.. yeah.. you been hurt a lot, that's not something you wanna be,

i really liked that right there
this piece really took me back and made me think
i dont think any techincals are needed, i just think you
was more emotional and poetic with the thoughts of the two
in the begining... it kind of made the power of the piece fall off as you went on, but i still liked this piece
nice job hun
keep writin
keep elevatin
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Poetry
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Understanding
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the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."
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Old 12-01-03, 07:57 PM   #9
Twizted Ayngel
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IP:

thanks everyone.. ima take erything inta consideration, as usual.
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Old 12-06-03, 08:16 PM   #10
Twizted Ayngel
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jus wonderin if anyone else has anything ta say about this.. cuz I like it a lot.
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Old 12-06-03, 08:25 PM   #11
uraddiction
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yo i really like this it was like u are haveing a battle with ur self and i think u wrote that very well like there were two of u and u were argueing. i really was feeling this piece and i can realate to tho whole feeling of love and being hurt i really enjoyed this piece great job it also flowed very well
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Old 12-06-03, 08:29 PM   #12
Twizted Ayngel
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Thanks a lot.. I like to know that someone else feels what I've written.. proves to me that I wrote it well, and put my emotion into it. Thanks for the response.
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