see a red beam blast your hoel team /and have all drop on they nees/asking for peace but the only peace you getin is the peace to your cheek/have you on street licing from your head to your feet /next to your peips /and i can tell you week the type to cry in a cell just for getin bagged for weed/the badiest is me

This was um.. wack.. Trying using some better vocab, some more complex rhymes, maybe also actually have a hint of meaning behind your lines, and make them longer, < thats just the amount for you not to be classed as the biggest herb ever..

you need to elevate dawg

I no im new and i dont mean to give orders but.................... put ur lyrics into lines instead of one thing after another....................................... Peace!

work on ya flow dawg.. use vocab,complexity,creativity, imagry..
overall you need to elvate dawg..

check my open mic's

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95506


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=95629

too short , develop it a little more n use more varied vocab

you have to reply to three other open mics, and post links to your replies in this thread, or it gets deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

this isn't a freestyle forum dog go somewhere else I think you have skill so go ahead use ur head and do some type of structure and a better more complex rhyme scheme. pz and luv

__________________
Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish