Lethargic = Green
Camarac = Crimson
Deziyr = Blue


I pledge allegiance to the Flag, and the United States of America. To the Republic for which it stands, one nation under God, with Liberty and Justice for all.

We claim terrorist organizations put a blight on this nation
Then call it patriotism when we drop bombs of devestation
On patrons of a country, cuz we're gonna get whoever did this
20 men drop 2 buildings, and the President's flippin switches
Diseased with a sickness, the plague of American pride
Take American lives and thousands of yours are destined to die
It's just the facts, no lies...that's how it'll always be
You better believe the children are gonna bleed for freedom eventually
Due to events that lead, and leave us, with revenge as a mission
Cuz someone failed to mention..
That societies eyes, just might needa new prescription
From this fantastic fiction, that we keep findin in the movies
Productions of Spielberg, out to make money off films that move me
When in all reality, these ridiculous films are rarely accurate
How many commandos go Rambo and come back to attest the facts of it?
We're activists, who shouldn't worry about foreign turmoil
Take a look at ourselves, and the problems facin our own soil
And our own spoils, not the riches, but the children we're raisin
With no role models or guidelines, gone astray as a lost generation
Locked in temptation and cavin, 12 year olds are no longer virgins
As profilactics and abortion clinics make'em think sex can't hurt'em
Behind the curtains, goverment offcials are lame and useless,
Cant solve the drug problems, so they, try Blaming the Music,
todays Youth's Embraced in An Effort to Please Your Parents,
Cause they'd rather Win in Votes than solve World Scares &. .
address the problem at hand, unemployments quickly become
Much more worthwhile than projects going on in Area Fifty One.
ive Bit my Tongue long enough, the gun fights are now Worse
its like America's Eagle. . is now more a Desert than any Bird.
This escalation in street crime? . . Hollywood's pulled its card,
and now the Star Spangled Banner's been Strangled by Stars.
Momma's Angels in Bars, Underage, & hate themselves, see. .
because their told their generation's Overweight & Unhealthy.
Television's the problem, & technology's warping their minds,
what else do u figure would trigger the effects of Columbine?
This solemn spine...
The backbone our country is based on..?
It can't be God...we said fuck him
And accepted religions from other nations
Overrun with immigration...
These United States are a melting pot
And if you DARE comment on it negative..
You better believe it gets sweltering hot
You mighta forgot...
The roots that this country stems from
Get hit by terrorists from the Middle East
and California starts teachin Islam?
This shit's dumb...
And we can start thankin our leaders
For producin these under-achievers
They're not carin a bit...
And I can't blame the kids
When our fuckin President...
Can't annunciate sentences
'We must invade in order to obtain these weapons of mass destruction"
thousands died, billions of dollars wasted..and what did we find? nothin
now isnt that somethin? Bush has his hand on the self-destruct button
this country is going to shit..now its accepted for a man to have a husband
the government is corrupt.. the FBI can now freely poke the callous
power is no longer divided.. these Checks bounced cause of a negative
Balance
spouses cheat now out of malice..Americans succumb to political fallacies
our people are so against one another..down the street needs a foreign
policy
the Statue of Liberty doesnt stand quite so tall.. they raped and ravaged
her
i dont want my fingerprints on this trainwreck.. i give up..see you in
Canada

you= need to post links to the three threads your replied to or this gets deleted.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Gene Pool-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=96070
LoCo-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=96245
WhiteLightning-http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=96359

Will come back with the links.

You = need to leave a critique

haha

wordness

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

^Up...instead of all 900 viewing...a few of you drop a critique. I've already done the three required. If you drop a critique on this..I'll check out yours too.

HELLO
I AM ON THIS
REPLY.

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

This was definitely an enjoyable read. Honestly when I read the title and maybe the 1st line or 2 I kind of sighed like "Oh, this concept again." Because, honestly, it has been done a lot recently in light of G.W. Bush revealing to the world how big a jackass he really is. But that doubt dropped out of my mind after reading a little further because of how thoroughly yall destroyed this topic. You 3 definitely ripped this piece to shreds.

Lethargic
2 verses with distinctly different rhyme schemes and styles, but still equally hot. That's hard to pull off but you did that shit nicely. I was actually feeling the 2nd verse just a bit more than the 1st, I don't know if it was the shorter bars or what. But the 1st was hot too.

Cam
I've only been here for a quick second, but in every piece I've read of yours, your structure is just impeccable. Despite that, your wording doesn't seem forced just to make the sentences even out length wise. You seem like you've been doing this shit for a while.

Dez
That ending was fuckin' ill. Point blank. Sick concept.

All 3
You all stuck to the topic real nicely. I didn't see anyone get sidetracked or spit filler laced bars for any extended period of time. The mental imagery you guys painted with your metaphors and similies was amazing.

As far as areas to improve, I don't see a whole lot. Leth's 1st verse and Dez's could maybe stand to have their word placement tinkered with real slightly and Cam's could maybe up the vocab just a tiny little bit. Other than that, this whole piece from all 3 was hot. Lookin' back on this feedback, it struck me that it seems like I'm dickridin', but that's definitely not the case. This piece was just hot to me. Anyways, fuck all that. Hot piece yall. Drop me some feedback.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=96446

~1~

^ Thanks for the indepth reply, your actually fairly cool for a new guy here.

I'll read your piece and reply indepth to it tommorow .. thanks for that reply though .. you dont get a lot of newbies here who reply liek that anymore ..

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

EVERY CAT CAME WELL ON THIS VERY CONCIOUS VERY EDUCATED POTETIC PURING THEY HEART IN AND BEING DISCRIPTIVE.
IT MADE MY MOOD SHIFT AND FOR A SONG TO HAVE THAT IMPACT MEANS ALOT THIS WAS THAT GOOD.

Excellent reply High-Ku. Cam had it wrong though. You don't find many "respected" heads that drop replies like that anymore. I've gotta leave to study for a Psych Final, but after my Weight Training Final tomorrow...I'll be sure to hit up your piece with a reply.

Hmmm... I thought Cam was from the U.K... oh well fuck it.
Lethargic, I don't get to read alot of your shit, but this is making me want to. You changed styles on both your verses but the image put out by both was unbelievable, and it was just a wonderful read. Cam has always had that perfect bar structure and his ideas are presented nicely and they are done very well. And if I'm right, then he is very good at switching to topics which are alien to him. Dezyir basically summed up the whole piece and the whole american situation on this bar
'We must invade in order to obtain these weapons of mass destruction"
thousands died, billions of dollars wasted..and what did we find? nothin
The rest of the verse was nicely done, and it had a unique way to present the thoughts. All 3 of you did a beautiful job, presented america beyond the glitz and glamour and it was a wonderful read.

__________________
Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?!

well, this was a good read. I though the topic was a little played out, but you guys did it well. The changes in format, which would normally have made it look sloppy, actually added to the diversity of the piece. I liked how you all addressed more than one problem with America.

Lethargic- You provided a great beginning to the entire piece. You used good internal rhyming, and fairly decent multies. Your wordplay was off the hook.

That bar had a really dope concept, except it was the place in your piece where the flow fell off. It got better towards the end though. Well Done.

Cam-LoL, how did you get in an American Freedom collab? It's like me writing about being African. I liked how your vers was geared towards the Youth more than the government, even if the government was blamed for the youth's situation.

That was the Highlight of your piece. I think you forced a few rhymes here and there, But all in all it was pretty decent. Damn you and your perfect format.

Lethargic part 2- I liked how it started off rhyming with the end of Cam's verse. This verse seemed very sarcastic, but it highlighted a few truths that you left out of the first one. The format change was refreshing. I disliked the flow, though.

LoL, quality.

Dez-Starting off with the Bush quote was a nice touch, because it connected the piece to reality. You could have elaborated on your lines more, it seemed like you talked about a bunch of different issues without going in depth on them. You had some nice internal rhyming. Word, come to Canada, we own yoo =)

Highlights!

Overall, this was a really dope collab, a little tightening needed here and there, but it was a great read.
Good enough reply?

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Actually, leth just emailed me his verse and asked me to finish it off .. so i wrote a few lines quick, sent it back to him .. i didnt even know Dez was gonna be on this = )

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

good topic and good expression

Lathargics verse was the hardest really

Caramac was straight and dezire wasn't too bad

yall keep that shit up

Word, I just give feedback on peoples' pieces how I would want my own work reviewed. Meanwhile my joint "What If?" is sitting back on the 37,871st page of Open Mic getting slept on by kids like Michael Jackson's mattress. Hmmmm, very strange.