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12-04-03, 08:35 PM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

Nightmares

IP:

I'm unprepared haunted by mercyless demons
Leaving me in aginy my soul itself is screaming
Trapped in a fantasie of the devils hate children
I can't adapt to visons of how people killed 'em
Although I close my eyes I see the lost flesh
Ghost asking my dreams to resurect death
Minds losing piece by piece by lose of sleep
I was a rose from concrete now a lost sheep
My peddles falling my medow is a graveyard
Hearing souls calling think it was braveheart
All because of the scene my mind repeats
Over and over of sleeping with dead beats
Fetish to see beyond normal who now dwell
Help comunicate with souls trapped in hell
Struggle in my mind why this painful torture
Did I do something to provoke the dead culter
Is this a blessing to talk to souls from the past
A gift a chance to break the obscene glass
Closing my eyes is dandersous or so it seems
The devils work? Or god like angel like beams
While I sleep I can't answer different questions
Tryen to understand dead is my godly lessons
Theres no bliss while i'm asleep i'm worried
For am I even alive or actually really burried
All in all thus does not matter but i'm gifted
My resting curiosities I vow to keep restricted
They ask me questions of how tobe reincarnated
Jeezus has spoken to me an why god retaliates
With thunder from the oceanly sky
Every drop of rain another human dies
Crazy I can hardly believe it myself
Horryfing me it's preventing my good health
I'm losing hold of my bodily control
Let the spirites free why am i consoled
Leaving me sweating grasping for air..
Good and evil trapped in my mind..im scared
Unprepared i'm losing my thoughts of christ
Blood over love I hate my p.m to a.m life
Trully believe i encounter the spirites of god
Who didn't make it hell or heavon lost in the fog
I pray that these souls be free sent up stairs
For i'm dieing in my sleep....
From these Unimagineable Nightmares

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The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
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12-04-03, 09:49 PM

Da NFamous

Str8 From CopKilla Queens

Posts: 658

From: Queens

IP:

"With thunder from the oceanly sky
Every drop of rain another human dies"

i really lloved this line, i felt this peice wasnt all it could have been and it in itself seemed restricted even when it shone brilliantly like the aforementioned line, sad its being slept but at the same time a little dissapointing, but definetely keep dropping, u got my respect, 1luv.

12-05-03, 06:20 PM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

uppen

12-06-03, 09:09 PM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

12-06-03, 09:11 PM

Twizted Ayngel

Light Weight

Posts: 258

From: New Jersey

IP:

Nice flow to this.. Nice vocabulary, good imagery, and good emotion as well..

"With thunder from the oceanly sky
Every drop of rain another human dies"

I too, liked that part.. it just seemed.. I dont know.. it just grabbed my attention.. I liked this piece. Nice job!

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12-07-03, 03:19 AM

Ace Of Spades

The Ultimate Weapon

Posts: 868

From: unknown

IP:

this verse could be improved. but it was tight anyway. the
short flow worked well. the rhymes and vocab was nice. the
images it forced were great. something we can all sort of relate
too. props on this. stay up. keep it tight.
peace

12-07-03, 11:16 AM

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

thanks mayn

12-07-03, 06:47 PM

Chrome Banga

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

Goood stuff man
kinda remind me of things in the past I can
relate cuz
Nice stuff man

12-07-03, 07:25 PM

-->FreeBasE<--

Guest

Posts: n/a

IP:

yo good shit

u made it look easy

good vocab, flow and imagery.

tru talent, keep postin up man

.........................................

12-07-03, 08:56 PM

#10

TRIBAL

Banned

Posts: 155

IP:

yo rule,

this was interrsenting...vocab was great...i got the full picture in my head...nice lines like the one obove quoted by others...over all great joint

kee it up...

peace

12-09-03, 05:04 PM

#11

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

uppen

12-11-03, 04:46 PM

#12

blyndedsoul

Registered User

Posts: 49

From: va

IP:

i love this..and i like the phrase you added to tupac's..as well as the same quote from posted above..great imagery, i could see and feel what i was reading and it had a very powerful message that i can relate to...if only i could display it the way you have..this was great keep it up...

__________________
my head is clouded with senseless doubt
but this seems to be my only escape route
so ill slither my way across the ground
to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found
~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~

12-11-03, 05:36 PM

#13

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

what about tupac?

12-11-03, 06:16 PM

#14

blyndedsoul

Registered User

Posts: 49

From: va

IP:

u kno..from tupac's poem 'nightmares'..not quite like this.. and a rose from concrete..tupac's other poem i just meant i liked the way you built off of his stuff and it turned out almost better than his..

12-11-03, 06:32 PM

#15

rule

..Soft Focus..

Posts: 1,639

From: Ont.

IP:

i didnt build off his stuff i dont even listen to tupac...rose from concrete is a metaphore...i was trying to show struggle...and the title was chosen by somebody else...this was a topical battle piece...but thanks for the responce it was apreciated

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