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Old 12-06-03, 05:21 PM   #1
SPEC-tacular
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From: NY ,StronG IslanD, B-WOOD
just sum shit

IP:

who you know poppin this shit droppin tha clipz
mother fuckaz just hop in tha crib u know we droppin tha kid
laced the nigga like we boxin tha kid
dont make take a ox to your ribs
and have you runnin around leakin
with me sneakin with your cutie freakin
cuz when i see your bitch ass, boobie peekin
so we started speakin
told her i'll come over for tha week end
and you know i was bone'n tha slut
her toungue all on my nutz
with my dick in her guts
deepthraot to my lungs and she swallow'd a nut
any chicken head wanna holla whad up
just follow tha truck

....to be continued

Last edited by SPEC-tacular : 12-06-03 at 05:28 PM.
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Old 12-06-03, 05:35 PM   #2
Menik
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From: Mifflinburg, PA
IP:

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

This was alright.....structure could use a bit of a touch up though, but you can fix that...just make the lines around the same length instead of having different lengths cause it throws the flow off sometimes...add some internals to this to help the flow....keep at it.
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Old 12-06-03, 10:34 PM   #3
-->FreeBasE<--
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its aight

fix the structure and its cool

kinda simple rhyme scheme too

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Old 01-05-04, 10:03 PM   #4
M.C. Shadow 13
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From: Galt Cali
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u are prety good and these are battle ryms work on your rap ryms
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Old 01-05-04, 10:32 PM   #5
Street Fame
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pretty nice just work on your structure... atleast you know how to spit multis tho, most people in this Open Mic section don't.. Good drop tho mayne.

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Old 01-06-04, 04:58 PM   #6
butcher
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that was raw ryming scheme is good it all fitted together well and each line wasnt to long or short


Vote 4 my battles @:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104120

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104419
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Old 01-06-04, 05:25 PM   #7
Dev
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From: N.E.England
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ya had the basic scheme going decent... but the flow was let down with the bars.... more complexity would add the the read... get it across better... jus keep at it ...but still the way i is... its not bad...pZ
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