Blah.. dont bitch about the structure, I wrote it another way.. with bars instead of in this form, and it definitely took away from the flow.. so that's why its written like this.

Little child, you'll never smile, wont have a life to make worthwhile, Your mom is wild, couldn't handle the piled up stresses of bein fertile, No funds, or a house to live in, Could it be? A better place in heaven then what you woulda lived in, things you wouldn't want to see, its pain to me cause its a shame to see someone die without a fighting chance at life, never see night, or be given the time of day, she'll pay in the long run, after its all done, she'll miss you forever, but know that it was for the better, she knew it wasnt the life for you, couldn't handle havin to fight for two, couldn't fight for herself - let alone you.

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that was very good, i liked the flow it was set diff. but still good, you had a good value to put across interesting read you had some good wordplay the emotion was great i liked the questions you had in this piece that was real which made this very good

thanks for the reply on my piece, this was great

you wonna do a collabo? if you down get at me on pm...pz

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Aiight.. I'll get at you on that collab thankz for the crit..

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I was really feeling this the flow was sickening, it felt almost like a nas song from illmatic, i really felt that u brought out the true power of the words, another great poem ma, as soon as i read it i was thinking the same thing as rule, u wanna collab? hollaatchaboy in pm if your interested, 1luv.

Thankz yo.. if y'all havent noticed I'm elevatin on my style quite a bit.. Anyway if y'all wanna collabo.. get at me on AIM Tw1zt3d Ayng3l ... for some reason, I tried to PM you both when I got on today and its not letting me.. my comp freezes n ish.

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damn yo!! lol this was short but mad nice..after reading the first line i was like damn this is so true..its sad some kids dont eva get a chance in life like we did so im great ful for that but hey stuff happens for a reason..but yo this was nice i've seen ppl write about abortion and babble on and on and never really make sense i like how you made your poem tho ..nice shyt

Thankz.. for a piece I didn't really like to begin with... I'm getting a lot of good crit from people on it.

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