repped

relik
high-ku
methodz

dont know how to leave links so dont ask







chorus:

x2
yo crime sprees , and death scenes , couldnt even raidiantly surpass me
cause lyrically, i defeat these, wit mind freeze that blinds beast
wit rhyme sprees\cause yo(only on first chorus)






yo lyrically defined by these rhymes that shyne\
inclined wit divine lines , more complex than nevres in the spine\

indigously i flawlessly spit on mics religously\
as the crowd stares i create their dreams instantly\

each one intense and designed intricatly and diffrently\
harnessing my ability to visously spit amazingly\

visions of a man death driven , by means of his lyrics written\
spitten like his life was thinken about quitin\

shit in his mind thats hidden, sickened, bit'tin by venomous visions\
listen,
if it was up to me ,i would decease and never be, to leave my glory to my seed\

so she can shine lyrically without these disturbing things\
pictured withen my cells, veins and grains\

but amazing i still daze emcees wit the way i blaze these trees\
flaming and maiming, mics from fist, when i spits\

so get it right, get a grip, put fire proof shackles on ya wrist if they fit\
cause im commin like a fire spittin dragon when my chypher hits\

when the heat inflicts, it'll rupshure your ribs and shit\
get the sauce out, cause the cannibles are ready to eat your limbs\

my rhymes are grim, like the dark within, the pocket where you find your ends\
the deepness never ends, you blinded men, your words are thin\




chorus:


x2




yo hate me, come find me , i spit on or off beat, wit meanings darker than coffee\
audibly, i subliminily send visionery ritiauls creatively\

ungodly and unhuman, somewhere between these two units\
cats spittin next to me are useless like unisex unics\

slayin false druids, wit fluid arrows shoottin like cupid\
im volitile but not stupid, cause i think logically before i lose it\

my octives full of octain fill the veins till it reaches the brain\
oh and yes im insane enough to lite up your inner thinking or-gain\

i flow like the wind blows, along the skins pores, rejuvinating the body's orbs\

check it i'll lyrically punch the oxegen out of your lungs\
when they enter the body thru the lobes into your eardrums\
wit more presure than an erected cock when it comes\

why dont you enter my dreams so i can show you true misery\
and the truth behind my trickery monophysically and lyrically\\


because


chorus
x2





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WHY DO WE EXIST?


WE THINK THERFORE WE DO?

Attached Images

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This was ok i thought...your chorus was alright....your structure is a bit better than your other pieces i think, your getting better at that, still they are kinda long and uneven, just work on keep them around the same length though so it helps the flow....flow was ok, could have been better though i thought...had a few multies but add some more...overall this was ok...keep at it.

Overall dis wus aiight!!...shoulda been done better!!...chorus wus aiight try n work on those!!...da verses werent bad flow wus there wordplay wus good!!...not bad!!....keep it up n elevate!!...~1~

and, you should try and put like a main theme into yo rap, or u loose focus!

that was iight
yo check this out http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97225

basically an average drop........seems like you are elevatin...but can still go further,,,jus expand on ya multis n word play....why you writtin in that format with gaps....it would be a better read without them.....but ya flow was still good......a bit of a vague drop...but ok.......pZ.....
return the favour some time...........

nott that bad, a lill fixin on the rhymescheme

good vocab and just bring the lines together

topic was kinda played but you attacked it good

keep postin up man............................................... ...