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Old 12-09-03, 01:48 PM   #1
menolin
\/ pissing me off!!!!
 
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Posts: 2,122
From: UK
how my personality, been shaped

IP:

pieces i dropped feedback on
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97441

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3808#post973808

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...3816#post973816


Believe what you want to, but his is a small look into my life.............


early, as far as i can remember
my house was poor, but my youthfull mind was rich,
each day, my mother being teared, apart bit by bit,
by the man who she loved, my so called 'step father'
he abused her most days, each time took 1 'step farther'
3 brothers and a sister, by this man, no relation of me,
but after everything, i look out for them, no hate i see,
hoping that every, day my dad, would arrive back,
to see me, and stop all the verbal assalts an attacks,
but i've never set my eyes on this coward knowingly,
or since, my mum moved out, seen any of them willingly,

care
high school, 1st year, another blow, as i moved nto care,
told it was for the best, i would be treated good and fair,
confused in a home substituted by some woman my mother,
moved very far away from, my sister and three brothers,
a placement breakdown, was what i achieved at fourteen,
into a childrens home i was moved, so fast my views wernt seen,

now
present day, still in care my lodgings are barely supported,
at times felt, treated like a puppet, my views never quoted,
truth comes out now, all my life, are what lies i've recieved,
by the social services, and my family i've been decieved,
reasons changed, things have been brought into new light,
feels like i've wasted, the most precious time of my life,
i still have love the woman that brought me to this world,
who suffered and endeered to have 3 boys an a little girl,
but i wish, there was times when i could of openen my emotions,
and raps the only true way, inside i can justify my motions.
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Old 12-09-03, 01:57 PM   #2
whitelightning
De M-O-D Bruk
 
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From: Canada
IP:

good drop...vocab improved as it went on....7.5/10...good job dude...flow was good..pretty solid.
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Old 12-09-03, 02:14 PM   #3
LM
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From: The promised land
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I loved it coz it came from your heart.
The fact that you keep refering to your brothers and sister show that you care for them
Flow was good and so was vocab
Good drop.
Overall 8/10
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Old 12-09-03, 03:29 PM   #4
Menik
Word.
 
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From: Mifflinburg, PA
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Yeah i agree this was a pretty good piece here.....enjoyed the read...structure in this was real nice...flow in this was pretty good, it stayed on through out it i thought....your vocab was good, liked that...i was feeling the emotion, keep that up....and keep at it.
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Old 12-09-03, 06:16 PM   #5
menolin
\/ pissing me off!!!!
 
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From: UK
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uppin for a lil more feedback,
thanks for the reply guys
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Old 12-09-03, 06:27 PM   #6
Emcee Murderer
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Good shit right here.
Wordplay and flow good.
I saw some multies used in there.
I favored the first part.
Overall 8.5/10
Keep em coming.
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Old 12-09-03, 07:32 PM   #7
Killjoy
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Posts: 96
From: Los Angeles(City of the Angel's)
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What My Nigga
you know that was a good drop
9.9/100 Good vocab

>>>>>>>>>> PEACE TO MY NIGGA's >>>>>>>>>>
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Old 12-10-03, 09:50 AM   #8
menolin
\/ pissing me off!!!!
 
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Posts: 2,122
From: UK
IP:

^^9.9 out of 100^^^
cant be bad

up
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Old 12-10-03, 11:53 AM   #9
SPEC-tacular
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From: NY ,StronG IslanD, B-WOOD
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was a good piece rapped bout sum other shit it was tight flow was good vocab was good wordplay ight multis ok punch ight over all 7-7.5/10
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Old 12-10-03, 04:33 PM   #10
Dev
1E
 
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From: N.E.England
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its good to see a drop, where its related to the writer...it seemed quite meaningful and ya got ya point across....nice concept and quite well executed.....nuthin much wrong with the flow or nuthin..yeah nice piece...pZ.....
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Old 12-10-03, 04:41 PM   #11
Jo-JO
Flyweight
 
Posts: 127
From: YC 17404
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The pz was on pac, you did very well in showing your emotions and i think you have a great ability to show excellent imagery. I feel comraderee ur went thru tru tough times and thats shown clearly. pz and luv plz check out wisdom thanx
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Let God speak for the underground Psalm 49 16-17
16 Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases
17 For he will take no thing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him
18Though while he lived he counted himself blessed - and men praise you when you prosper-
19 He will join the generation of his fathers, who will never see the light of life

20 A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish

Last edited by Jo-JO : 12-10-03 at 04:44 PM.
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