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Old 12-09-03, 05:09 PM   #1
Dadi Kewl
-Merk Squad-
 
Posts: 1,755
From: England
Burn a candle, Just for flame

IP:

lose your bitterness
englishgirl with raven hair
remember the peacekeeper you once were
before i sank my claws in deep
remember the softness in your stride
your feminine Caplet
those delicate hands
how quiet your spirit was before
destruction arrived from the chrystalline pines

reflect within your tiny rivers
build fires in your garden
burn a candle, just for flame
forget about amsterdam -
we didn't love eachother then
forget the violence
forget Canada
forget that i once breathed for you
but remember who you are

do not become obsessed
with material things
do not find comfort in a bottle
do not make money your god
do not have selfish sex
do not mess with one's head -
you know that gets messy

i write this, only to tell you
that i still write for you
although it is unseen and unheard
i still have a voice
i am still a vision

scientist
you know
i have collected the pretty shiny memory of you
and pressed it into me
like a morphine kiss

intoxicating and deadly

- Twiz
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Old 12-09-03, 08:10 PM   #2
varentao
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Posts: n/a
IP:

The past (memories) can indeed devour you. Intoxicating and if too much, deadly.

Well that's what i got out of it anyway. In more ways than one.

It was very touching. Seemed so 'sensitive' and...can't think of the word. Er...nope. It's gone. Can't remember.

An emotional piece which seemed to leak out like tears...yet had such a poetic eloquence to it. Showing true your writing abilities. Intwining layers of irrationalaity, wisdom, raw love, logic etc (er, well kind of...me words aint coming to mind at the moment) Had a real yearning to it. Easily felt by even those who can't relate.

I dig, man (I should wear flares saying that..oh wait, i am...or is that bootcut?!...er..sorry, bit off the point)..

...resp...

Last edited by varentao : 12-09-03 at 08:13 PM.
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Old 12-09-03, 08:30 PM   #3
bouncedoggydog
"Cuz bruk said so"
 
bouncedoggydog's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,540
From: Los Angeles
IP:

Very nice!

Wow you pulled this off in seemless fashion. Words melted together and your points were well made. I loved the classic use of grammer and style, very appealing to the senses. As 'V' has stated above the poetic eloquence is amazing. I can see a stern message in it, but so respectfully assembeled. Great job, I can not emphasize that enough...

~Bounce~
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Old 12-10-03, 05:26 AM   #4
Dadi Kewl
-Merk Squad-
 
Posts: 1,755
From: England
IP:

^Thanx

And thanks V for droppin by....
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