http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...0720#post980720
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98208
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=98142


Thanks for the feedback, so far few people on here have told me i need finetuning, but how am i gonna do that?

Posted this one under my 1st thread, but i figured i shuld hav opened a new so here goes -->

My lyrics slice like a razor tru ur brains
but ur lyrics r like a clipper to my toe nails
You just cant handle my lyrical stress & strain
young boys rapping about blood stains
but so far you've only seen ketchup stains

all bark but no bite,
badbways talking slick & tryin to get their spot in da limelight
not knowing ive got dis $hit locked in my sniper sight

You kids rapping lines about someone's mum
dats why i gave urs sum
Yeah sum of da good $hit,
That's why I got her screaming like that rapper "Gimme sum mo!!"
just like an addicted heroin h0e
Who could have thought I could make her talk like Busta,
or even drown her in vodka
I snuck in da forum like an undacova

U lot aint gangstaz, moving ounces and bars thinkin ur bigtime
that will change once i get u lookin at da barrel of my nine

young fools still in school
tryin to rhyme cool
but u got a lot to learn cos ur sounding like J-Lo's JaRule

U guys just bin watching Shady's DVD
but noobie is da real P.I.M.P

dats why I got ur chick rubbing her lips down my pole
cheap b|tch sold me her soul
got her addicted to blow,
she o-d'd and now her speech is slurred and too slow

Thats why people call me da lethal lyricist,
time for for u to bend over so i can have some fun wid ma fist
no need for me to put u on my hitlist
cos afta dis battle u gona put da knife to ur wrist

Uve been declared dead clinically,
u just couldnt handle my vocabulary,
thats why i own dis forum like da greatest mc
for all you mothertruckers to envy
u all just got dissed by a newbie

Once again: no disrespect to anybody, i hope u like this one.

This was better than your last one i thought....your structure could still use some work though...try keep all yours line around the same length though to keep it structured good and to helpe the flow out...also try adding multies to this to make it better...but keep at it.