Emerge wogzta grotesque

intelectual interpetations/extinguish da thoughts of contract killings/insane billings but a last choice way of life/always use guns instead of da neanderthal knife/get shot twice by a person who's intelligence is not quite right/mass confusion/slowly causes brain tissue bruising/intrussive wisdomatic words of confucious/run threw a sinners mind/a mind dat's filled wit systematic torturous thoughts of harming mankind

^^^^^^^^^^not sure if all words are spelled correctly i'm not a good speller

This was alright....your structure needs some work thought, shouldnt put it in paragraph form though cause it makes it harder to read for some people and it throws off the flow, should be it line on top of line so its structured good and try to keep your lines around the same length to help the flow of the piece...also try adding a few multies to help it out...but keep at it.

some nice vocab, bad spelling...lol......but i would expand in it...its way too short.....in such a small piece you barely have time to say anything.....but what was there seemed ok....once you develop ya scheme should be good....pZ

your vocab was real nice but it seemed like you didnt kno what some of them words ment....you had a good scheme but seems like you tried to force some of that vocal on there..... nice peice tho... was worth a read....keep elevating.... pz

thanks, i know i need some work and i testing new ones out

it seems like you scarificed flow in order to have a large vocab.
Vocabulary can be important in a rhyme, but if you can say something prfound with simple words, and good flow, why ditch that for larger words that mean the same thing?
Try to concentrate on your flow and your message as opposed to your vocab, because it will come with practice.

oh, and when you reply to others, try to give them constructive criticism. it's all good to tell them something generally about the piece, but try to go in depth so that they know what they need to improve on.
thanks.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

^^ he basically summed my up to nice shit man