Just tell me what yall think. Holla!!!!!!


you need some help, don't think of a record deal,
you got as much of a chance as an ice cube in hell,
you'd have to "Saddam"ize Hussein where he dwells, Just for the wealth,
a sickness that'll never get well,
a stealth thats ominously felt, when Heltah skelt cards are delt,
you gonna have ta arm yourself,
cuz im slicker than eel shit, slicker than a minows penis,
you'll never be the shit, never on my peeps list,
i ain't tryin to hurt you, you just need to see this,
peep this before your restin in pieces,
Tis the season, for bitches to stop breathin',
skeemin on plots thickenin like semen,
can't charge me with treason, i ain't ever been fake,
beatin your girls got me feelin even more irate,
hate is just a synonym for great,
hate me cuz i was on the hilton's tape,
Nicki had to put the camera down, thats why we stop the play,
well at least for yall, let me stop i wish they was on my balls,
but with you on my cock, had me feelin like i was on top an all

Reviewed:
Word Perfect
Viscocity
Dez

NOT BAD NOT THE BEST I SEEN FROM YOU BUT NOT BAD EITHER NEEDS SOME BRUSHING UP BUT OTHER THEN THAT YOU GOOD TO GO

Eh, I guess this is good. Not too good on the imagry. I couldnt see/image what you were tryin' to say at times. Although this was a shorter piece, I understood most of it. Nice job with the beggining. Okay towards the end, but overall, good.

Thanx for the feedback yall, its greatly appreciated, everyone else reads but i guess they forgot how to type, any other feedback is highly welcomed, and thax again yall

shit was not exactly nice, had potential to be semi decent though. try harder

your structure was off... workk on that,,.
your flow was good, and ya had a nice rhyme scheme...
topic is a bit played... try using more imaginative words
in your verse... it keeps the reader more interested.
~AshY~

yeah man ya structure was off like home boi over here said but you is ok .............peace out

__________________
"The Legion" takes no prisoners!

I can be nice but dont make me mad....cause when I loose control.......your dead !!

my site:



http://freestyleman.proboards25.com/index.cgi