RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 12-24-03, 05:21 AM   #1
snakeyes
Flyweight
 
snakeyes's Avatar
 
Posts: 143
Joined: Oct 2003
From: south central l.a
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
World without reason

IP: 40E9 F947

ten till midnight i stay up to da morning light/
extrodinare precission, i'm in love with the mic/
i lay any m.c down to sleep with bed time story, tuct in tight/
i be stallone, cliffhangin my way to enormous heights/
reality bites as anotha life dies in the worlds eyes/
no one feels the true grips of death as it changes tides/
no free rides to the next oasis, photosynthesis is da basis/
of this rotten existance as we face it on day by day, cant erase it/
cases of major porportions come washed away by da ocean/
love aint an emotion, its just anotha potion, spreadin erotion/
little by little we cease to exist in this planet takes it motion/
round a revolution dat cant be stopped, keep on pushin/
to the next level, soft like cushion we meddle da intrusion/
why do we keep on loosing grip of this time so confusing/
cant let it glide like a you be cruisin on a sunny day so amusin/
its a world full of sad faces that cant find reason/
so i end the flow teasin and skippin to da last season/
so cold in this winter cant find the child in me dat has been missn/
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-03, 06:23 AM   #2
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
Joined: Oct 2003
From: N.E.England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 15-3
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5AF5 5CA5

you need to leave three links........liked the opener....flow was ok for the most.....the topic was a bit choppy....drifted off in places.....but it was ok...nuthin special...but...yeah.....pZ
Send a message via AIM to Dev   Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-03, 10:32 AM   #3
Doctor Ill
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: F914 0269

Ok nice complexity an' vocab but ya need to clean it up a bit remove the rough edges some of it sounded forced:

no free rides to the next oasis, photosynthesis is da basis/
of this rotten existance as we face it on day by day, cant erase it

That's an example of a bar it would have been better without

Flow was fine multis were lackin' as was an' overall focus but it was aight keep elevatin'
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-03, 10:47 AM   #4
NePtUnE
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 4577 CD9A

It was aight. It wasn't the best shit, but it had some nice vocab. You need to spend more time on it and even it out a little bit.
  Reply With Quote
Old 12-24-03, 02:37 PM   #5
Menik
Word.
 
Menik's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,017
Joined: Aug 2003
From: Mifflinburg, PA
Status: Offline
IP: 340D 8B8F

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.
Send a message via AIM to Menik Send a message via MSN to Menik   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:51 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.