I already now you caint fight so lets stick to the script/ and ima continue clap back and reload on you bitch /if you was in g-unit you be lil,tone/and we'd have ya like diddy in the back of the song/hell im 14 i aint got nothin 2 loose/i rather battle someone that aint got nothin to do/why must you try to contest wit me/im lettin eveyone now you'll never get the best of me/the odds you winin is 1 two a million/ I put holes in ya face just fo u 2 stop griinin/



yo just tell me what i need to improve on

Improve on content (self prop verses are played to death)...

Format, separate your lines.

Up your vocabulary with more complex words...
(Don't flood the shit with em, alot of kids think a dictionary word has to be followed by 800 of em, it don't though...about one every line, every other line is cool)

Utilize wordplay...

For example...

why must you try to contest wit me/im lettin eveyone now you'll never get the best of me

Can become...

You can't contest me, even if ya brought Ed McMahon...
Cuz kid, this ain't a sweepstakes despite tha broom in ya hand!

See...
Wittier, harder hitting, and fun for the peeps who have ta judge ya shit.

Work on that for a spell...

Peace

__________________
Merkings will occur Monday thru Friday, 8 am thru 5 pm, C.S.T.
For my convenience, not yours!

^^^^ I agree...

Change ur format. make it easier for the readers to be able to diaganosis ur written materials.....

Use some better vocabulary. Dont worry about multies or worplay yet.... Make sure ur flow is consistant first...

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

Drop some text in the wrong box....Sorry man.....

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

thanks

You don't have good punches and it wasn't that interesting. Structure needs work. People don't like to read that paragraph stuff. Just make it more interesting, youll be fine.

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.