http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...836#post1036836
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...863#post1036863
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...893#post1036893

(this is the second version of Thankx 4 Da Support
that i renamed Sunset Avenue after a trailor park i used
2 live in)

She was born in sixty-seven
2 Philly alway 4rm heaven
a blond headed princess
rendered helpless, at times
senceless
did her own lil share of dirt
in her life took wrong turns
and at age 20 gave birth 2 her very 1st son
up in da NC, North Cakalaki, Anne St.
c-section, ready 2 bleed 4 her seed if need
never retreated, teatered between 3 jobz,
4-ever jaded
raised 3 troubled youngin, we love ya, stay up
& you'll make it
house all around us raided, children cryin 4rm de
momz was takin
but they'll never break us were 4-ever momma dont
worry
ill be here wit you by ur side till da day im dead and
burried

aint no hurry 2 get up out of da projectz
were 2-gether and nuttin else matters
4rm Pine St. 2 Prospect; toast
2 da momz makin paper, an pockets fater
4rm da dirt roads & traliorz of Sunset Avenue
2 da backyard pools and palmtrees of Malibu
thank God 4 da mommas bustin ass 4 us fools
haha

da structure might seem sloppy but it sounded
good in audio so i figured wat da hell
and im gettin links now so dont shut me down...
uppin 4 feedback
peace

lol yup da structure is sloppy
yea i feel ya
lyrics u spit on audio sound dope
but once u put it on text da structure looks horrible
I used 2 write like dat

__________________
BEST OF YJ
Holla at cha Boi
Watch Me
Eyez of a Young Nigga

same here but ya it was aight story was told pretty good but it was kinda simple u know........but keep flowin

hit this new battle up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103093

i couldnt really catch tha flow......but it proly do sound betta on audio cuz alota shit does....keep droppin.... ~1~

Yeah this was alright i thought.....your structure could use some work though i think....the flow was ok, it was off at some points i think...it probably would sound better on audio.....but overall it was alright....keep at it.