Replied To: Bounce...Class X...Filed


Holly matrimony a wise angel birthed at a signifacant time
A blessed child whoms father is stabalized in the blue sky
In the town of bethleham were people journy to reconise
The importance of this babies humble, but deny the crys
The baby born in front of three wise men with treasures
To help support the path of the baby and its pleasures
As the moment severs, an time seems to stand still..
Grows into a man named jeezus..whos life is unfilled
Supports the needy children graciously provokes love
Teaches people to pray become loyal believe in up above
Past unremembered it wasn't important to this creature
To fix the present grow people like grass in the future
To all work together but this seems to have no faith
The people go wild hate in his preaches of the great
He tryed to save the world from its evil undiscovered
People shut there eyes denied to heal one another
So as hell grew on land exscaped from soils core
Demons we're raging hestaricaly like a wild bore
Greed turned into a desire that people craved deeply
Jeesus tried to react but the wound of life opened quickly
He said a passage from his mind..........
'Those who are evil blessed may not reach the kingdom of heavon'
Act as a god, be truthful to one another I bekon.
Instead of listening they tied the lords child to a cross..
Came to a state of mind that all was soon tobe lost
Heard he was in this to create a huge disaster..
But he created nothing but love an what truly mattered
As he died slow and the gods denied his time to go..
He opened to grow reincarnated for the evil so..
He trapped his mind in a state of certin beliefs
Strict to the oppente of hate and certian griefs
Walked apon water to show angel benifits
But to the human eye the glasses didn't fit
So they resumed in there honor and destroyed the honor
That was never legable for a human to walk on water..
So they killed the holly man who put fire in the church
Whos smile bloomed and was an angel sence birth
Over centeries we have become less greatful
X-mas gifts, wars, and envy..lets help one another...
Please...think about life..come all you faithful...
Help our babies..woman and lonely brothers..
Think about the one gift we never reconise...
Our life to help..but it seems paralized...
Time sits awaiting the moment of hormany..
Lets play together...create a love symphany...

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

represented soft focus with a great piece one more time! I dont really know the whole story behind jesus all that well, but i like the way you wrote about it. good detail, and good flow to it. did i good job telling the story and making it understandable for ppl like me who dont know the story already. i liked the end of it the most, where you take what you said in the story to say how we need to help each other more. nice write

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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19 views and 1 reply...damn

Thanks for the one filed

uppen

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

uppen

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

great poem, the thing that stood out to me was the story telling. u really told the story great and got ure poem to rhyme perfectly. the vocab was very good, sum of the best ive seen on this site, and it also didnt confuse me by having big ass words that no one can understand. the flow was strong with lines like this

So as hell grew on land exscaped from soils core
Demons we're raging hestaricaly like a wild bore
Greed turned into a desire that people craved deeply
Jeesus tried to react but the wound of life opened quickly

structure was real tight, the lines are almost all same length. im not big on structure so i dont know wat else to say bout that. the message was beatiful, it had a great story, religeon, belief, and almost a children's story aspect to it. i liked it from begining to end, outa 10 a definet 9.2

rhymeserfect rhymes and the reader didnt have to read it a funny way to make it rhyme, which ppl seem to be doin now.

flow:great flow, never got off beat, kept goin strong till the end.

structure:tight, easy to read, good to follow.

message:great message and skill to make it.

originallityld story, new poem. kept it fresh.

final thoughts:none, just amazement.

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Loved it! This was such a poetic view of the birth and life of Jesus, much more fun than reading the bible nice ryhming and structure. It was long but never boring.