http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103155
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...648#post1042648
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=103196

My Wifebeater Is Torn, Reason Being My Privacy Was Invaded
And I'm Covered In Shadows Cuz The Bulb In My Halo Faded
If I Were To Raise A Finger Up at The Skies It Would Be Broken
My Referrer Has No More Tokens So I No Longer Am Chosen
To Take The Train To Heaven and Have My Word Be Spoken
I Have Broomed The Dust Away From The Undergrounds Core
I Have Speant 11 Hours Trying The Metro-Cards On The Floor
Disgracing Characteristics and Those Many Menacing Faces
Trying To Go Fast On These Trax But I'm Loose So I Tri Knot Laces
As If Myself and You, The Reader Had Sex I Got an 'I' on 'You'
In Ur Dreams Haunting U With Wenches and Misfits Try and Lose
U Hav Trouble Preaching Wit Parched Lips n A Wretched Passion
Moses Couldnt Abide His Legion With a Broken Decrepit Staff And
It Seems This World Is a Puzzle Bearing Saddam Hussains Mug
Dilapitated Knees, N As A Wheezing Asthmatic Allowing 2 Succumb
Life Starts To Decrease Like a Heart Beat and Crippled Lungs
Priests Enter Retirement and Drink Liquor Through a Chalice
and Drunken, Shatter The Beautiful Stained Glass Of The Palace

Chorus

I Dont Want To Be One To Commit Suicide and To Hell I Bolt
I Just Want These Hell Bound Moments and Memories To Holt
As The Royal Trumpets Blast My Ear Drumbs I Enter These Gates
Put Palms at Half Mass and Pray I Dont Surrender To This Hate
Grim Fate Will Only Last If No One Puts a End To This Mind State

And As I March With Torn Garmets and a Swollen Conscious
I am Followed By Demons Whos Goals are Horrid and Monstrous
Damsels and Men In Distress Bellow "Stop This" and
Its Not Accomplished n There Hopes are Taken Away Respondin 2
a Lost Promise From a Dream That Was Considered Preposterous
A Soul Is Costless? Then Give Me It For Free and I Will Elevate It
Bring More Light To Its Cranium Then a Bulb Generated, Lit
Much Loss Of Patience n Great 1s Fall Along With There Heritage
I Believe Good Life Is Beatiful But Not Realistic Like Origami
and Cannot Prevail With So Much Lonley Americans In The Army
I'd Rather Them To Arm Me and Take Daggers and Scar The
Ones That Diserve a Hellbound 'Future' and Not Even A 'Present'
n Rather Have The Holiday 'Past' Like Foul Children On Christmas
Whos Parents Slave Push Papers Everyday Just 4 Scowls 2 Be Lifted
I Bow To God For Being Gifted Then Cuss At Him 4 Taking Relatives
He Howls Bak Saying Not Everything Is Relevant so The Hell Widit
So I Settle Down and Cringe When I Pray Now Cuz It Wont Sell
In Da Eyes Of Lord Because My Fate Belongs In Tha Flamez Of Hell

Chorus

Hook
My Wingspan is The Size of A Midget's Nonerected Sexual Organ
Wings Fold In When I Hear Church's Pianist Play A Sensual Organ
Casulties Increase n Iraq n I Watch n Pain n Agony as More Men
Die and It Inspires Me To Do What Al'Queda Does To a Stores' Pen*
and As My Chores End and I Settle Down Finally, Eyes Blurry
I Negotiate With A New Lord 2 End The Negativity Of a Minds Fury
Drunken, They Shatter The Beatiful Stained Glass Of The Palace
and The Priests Gather Tipsy n all Drink Fine Liquor From a Chalice

*=AlQueda Murders...I Murder The Pen I Write With

oh and sorry for caps ...its a bad habit

cmon now...read this

F
U
C
K
I
N
G

U
P
!
!
!
!
!

wow...up

this was a really good drop. flow was good. never fell off. the chorus was catchy and your structure was impectable. keep up.

finally...thanks lets keep it up

i like it. long and smart.. and free flowing. nice

..it's an decent piece..good thing you know about the 'CAPS'..your flow was decent..wordplay alright..vocab was good..it was na alright piece..

lol, yeah don't do that caps shit again .

Good drop tho.. Could add a few more multi syllable rhymes, but you've definately got the imagery and thought in your pieces. I liked the way you said some shit, and u had a nice fluency to your text-flow.

Overall pretty good, hook was decent.

1

thanxs yall upping

if you lose the CAPS it will be much more easy to the eye, therefore more readable, therefore more people will read and reply!

^the secret, guard it with your life...

but once you get past the initial shock of putting your eyes back it you find out its not half bad..got a bit of everything..flow was good..add more metas and multis!!

i kno i'm aware i need to stop that shit ... fucking habit smh

the actual topic was ok... maybe drifed a bit.....the vocab could use some work...some ok multis in there, but more and some nive wordplay would improve it.....i thought it was a good length...and flow was straight for most... jus work on the scheme a bit ......not bad....pZ