Things I see I believe That's imbedded in me
Yet still Im empty Because Im unable to achieve
These ... Simple dreams I have seen Vivid scenes
Of green pastures Clean slates No demons visit me
Bursts of energy exit my mind At times I let it speak
While I find blind mimes Can't see who they be
- Theoretically
I juss let it be Go along with my life Me and my knife
No wife No slice of bread to have with my water and ice
No daughter Yet Im still nice Give advice to the mice
That eat my string cheese And act trife when I write
I bled twice thru the night And U complain about nightmares
While I fight scared Searchin' for light when it's not there
Brown eyes with dark hair Part African other half Italian
Valiant Knowledgable of my manners Fond of stallions
Can't afford an Eagle's Talon So I'll stick with it's feather
Keep it treasured forever Hidden from bad weather
Never talk to strangers I always keep to myself
U say I need help I juss say Ur bad for my health
Don't feel sad for my wealth Be happy cry tears of joy
While I look in the mirror Juss so I can stand there annoyed
And void all other aspects of livin' Civilians - Women and children
Keep dreamin' about those millions
A lie awake wit my on room in this apartment builidin'
That Im buildin' my life on Things I once had are twice gone
I write songs of sorrow And turn them into nice songs
Despite the wrong I have done And will do in the future
Wonderin' how Im typin' this up Can't afford a computer
I wish I could be the suitor of Life even tho she's a bitch
Rich in the things that are more important
Than those that money can get
No 100's No cents Juss a promise of ever lasting
Never passing But I won't get it Cuz Im never asking
So she's laughing at me While Im grasping a dollar 2 wipe away my tears
Too broke to buy Scott So I have to use Charmin' to wipe away my fears
It's like I've been betrayed for years Cheers to all of my peers
That are there when Im here Even tho they only like to stare
Fucc stairs I like the elevator No matter how broken it is
God - I've spoken with him Always been open with him
Hopin' to win the race against death Test the fact that Im blessed
Keep livin' in my mess My rusty water Mice - Roaches and pissy matress

Replied to:

Bruklor - Lose Change
Evolve - Ghost
fgee - Death, of a sort

Damn ... Slept on ... Can I get sum feedback ?

here is some feedback^^

two words, vocab and imagery. this piece was fucking loaded with them in the right amount, a great introspective piece with a few subtley placed multis to help the flow along. which i notcied you switched up at a few points a well. good topic.

good work.

ill drop, flowed nicely in my head, vocab was there, multis were evident, again ill drop 8/10

This was pretty good. Not your best piece, but good none the less.
It’s a usual subject, but you didn’t just blatantly talk about it. Much better then the usual “poor living condition” type stuff.

“Can’t afford an Eagles Talon So I’ll stick it’s feathery”
-That line was dope man, sheer brilliance.

Good work, Keep it up.

This was dope. I think the flow was awsome and wordplay was good too. Keep droppn'

..Long as shit...But good as shit~~nice use of vocab and imag..grat scheme...good content and worplay..simply 'nice'..


~~~Go Vote on this Battle~~
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104673

Good looks on the replies ... I ain't feelin' the one liners tho ... 6 Feet and Bruk thanks ... Uppin' for sum more feedbacc ... Peace

Uppin' it ...