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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Rising Star
IP: 41E9 3905
A rising star, but the surprising part, is that the hope is in me
comprising bars is my devising art, like money to Oprah Winfrey My bone of choice, to tone my voice & make a sweetened sound to alone rejoice if i own a royce - & take life in leaps & bounds take expression and make a blessing if i was born in mild grace a true star wont fake progressing; he'll just put on a smily face would abhore disgrace & implore his fate; it only takes "amen" cuz under pressure he'd ignore debates & restore his face, again i take this pen & relate to them, its not as if you can't redeem it yet still i partake with them, although they all act suprimist we're all stars in our own way, forget societys scale of fitness cuz i already am a true star, by going about my daily business. . |
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Guest
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IP: 19D5 2B5E
pretty good here, nice closed in rhyme scheme I like that. nice use of multis, and bars were short and to the point. nice lil boast and spittin knowledge in there also...
keep it up, 1 |
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Guest
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IP: 41E9 3905
when i write a piece, thats not the kind of feedback im looking for. lets get some real feedback in here please ?
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Guest
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IP: 19D5 2B5E
Blah, man i don't have all day to write a fucking huge reply, when I reply to something you can trust i read it, that's what i'm about... but whatever i'll fullfill your wishes all mighty one.
to alone rejoice if i own a royce - & take life in leaps & bounds take expression and make a blessing if i was born in mild grace a true star wont fake progressing; he'll just put on a smily face That section right there was to me your most impressive. It had the most fluency, and the last line of it was knowledge... But the piece as a whole can't really be broken down, it was a good drop so the whole thing was basically a quoteable. Like I said, you spit some knowledge in it while boasting - two things that I like in an Off the dome/open mic... You had a nice flow, the multis were well used, and the closed in rhyme scheme worked well with the flow and internals. What more can I say? Peace. |
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BANNED
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IP: A59E 4DBF
yo feeble that was some tight shit, i know it doesnt matter bc im a newb, but ur lookin for feedback. do u have any more cause that was wicked....................
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Omnipresent
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IP: C1DA C961
really nice drop...im impressed....very well structured, no visible problems, fully coherent, you never lost track of your flow, stayed on your topic and kept pace while stringing in soem nice multis and shit...hgihly above average drop...i mean it's not perfect or anything...but a really good open mic regardless mad props and earned respect
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Sublime
Worthy of awe and praise Respect "..Very nice..Very emotional...real Deep piece..I really enjoyed reading this..there are few good writers on this site..and I think they are good cause simply they write some good shit..but..rarely I enjoy reading a piece..but..this was fantastic..peace.."
<center>HemiSphere The Write Side Of Your Mind</center> <imgsrc=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachmentid=8588&stc=1>
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Eye Designs
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IP: 9DD0 3656
VERY ENJOYABLE
Dope shit feeble Props homie... It was a good peice Nice imagery Wordplay was good Amazing work.. keep it up... PROPS
__________________
:: Eye Designs:: Taking Request for the following... Signatures, Avatars, Album covers, & Website Banners |
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Guest
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IP: 41E9 3905
arrite street... i have nuthin wrong with praise, id just rather elevate by people telling me what was wrong with my piece. thanks for dropping feedback anyway.
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Guest
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IP: 1A7F 5D33
I on the other hand did not enjoy your "closed in" rhyme scheme.....it sounded choppy to me
IF your commas are in the right place for your pause, then it sounds rigid to me....maybe you could try something with the placement of those to smooth the flow..... ^^^The little things make sense Content wise this was a good concept, and the ideas were well portrayed. Vocab was tight, and you stayed on topic well..... Only thing that got me was the flow.... |
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Registered User
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IP: C1DA C961
...I For One Thought Your Flow Was Nice, From What I Read, The Flow Seemed To Come At Ease For Me...
...I Liked The Way You Stuck To Ya Subject... ...Keep Elevatin'... ...1... |
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Feeble, that was very impressive. a lot of vocab and interesting lines your flow on rhyme scheme made that very good and for a great read. The lenght was a good size, the vocab was good, a lot of things were done very nicely here...the wehole aspect of the song was very well writtin great job man keep it up.
If you can...drop some feedback on 'the art' in my sig thanks that'd be apreciated
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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Guest
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IP: 41E9 3905
Quote:
lol, i dont think i have far i can elevate.. ive been doin this shit too long. ![]() |
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