I replied to Skiddz, Feeble Minded, and SPEC-Tacular



Dear mom,

I figured I'd wait, but I've gotta write this now mom 'cos I'm in a critical state..
I'm lucky to be living today, my heart is bleeding and my soul is giving away...
The problem is the doctors think that there's a bullet stuck inside of my brain..
I'm a confused mess, and I think it's really starting to drive me insane...
But I just close my eyes and I picture myself somewhere out of this hell..
I see glossy stars and clouds of hope, and i just forget about how it all felt...
I'm quite weak and frail, so I keep my strength merely stored in my dreams..
I poor my entire life into a bottle, and send it on a trip down a watery stream...
Through four different scenes, and when it returns I feel slightly refreshed..
Despite the truth of my life, im stuck teething my tears and biting my breath...
But grabbing the back of me, my doctor's face brang me back to reality..
He said the X-Rays couldn't find the bullet, but the day wouldnt end happily...
So mom, I regret to inform you, but this will be my eternal goodbye..
I hope you don't cry, and I want to thank you for everything I learnt in my life...
From the food on my plate, to the occassional hurting at night..
I want you to go out and enjoy yourself, I think to that you've purchased the right...
And every time it rains I want your eyes to glisten and lift to the skies..
Because the rain is my memories and the mist is my life...
The last few days, they've been okay I guess, I laugh and I pray..
But I've gotta go now mom....... I'm passing away.

Goodbye.



I'm still here, except now I've got no body or brain for a bullet to linger in..
I'm being guided somewhere, it seems by the heavenly father's finger tips...
The life is gone but the hurt is near, pain is close and its jerking tears..
But I feel oddly happy, a tingly sensation brings memories of perfect years...
I don't know where I'm going, maybe hell, or maybe heaven..
All i know is i'm thankful for my existence and my perfect birth in '87...

Eternally.

Pretty good...
Emotional
Good flow
Wording could be fixed in places
Overall... straight shit
Keep it up...
You'll only get better

__________________

Good looks on the reply...

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..I like this piece..good scheme..good flow...nice vocab..nice multis..very emotional..nice work..

i agree this had some good qualities to it.... the sceme kept the rhyme going... n the content was good... feeling in it,, but i felt it could have been better executed with more thought to the composition...overall good tho...pZ..

Damn penskills props on ur girl she is fine... thanks for da replies so far everyone can i get some more

pz

up..........