tremedeus flows// rims spinnin while i sit at citgo//
J steps out the car watch how i shock hoes//dis big baller with the roc clothes//even his wrist and neck is frozed//he sells no dro but pockets stay filled with doe//i rides up n down your block//i know you hate when i stop//u should thank the cops cus the glock was jus bout to pop//you was bout to get rocked//but i aint serving no sentence//i stay worried bout my suspension//cus im ridin a car full of chicks on 20inches grabbing all the attention//and should i mention i did ur gyrl in the kitchen//dont u wonder why she be missin//but something i got is lovely in the distance//thats why she bought you a penis pump for x mas//pleasure is what you not givin//dumb fuk dont you be listening//its not your name she calls//its the jolley black giant with the big o balls//that fills them walls//sorry dude aint not time for ews and ahs// time to say goodbye//sorry dude for tellin you all this plz dont cry

this was ok......but your structure needs some work though...dont put it in paragraph form like that...put it line on top of line so its structured better and so it helps the flow out in your pieces....also try adding some multies to this to make it better....but keep at it.

thought this needs alot of work.... wasnt an easy read cos of the layout,,, but even the barz were off.... some places the complexity needs work and the vocab could be better.....jus work on it....pZ...

if u got any suggestions let me know

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holla at me yall

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tryin to get dem skills up

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