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Old 01-08-04, 01:34 PM   #1
FanTa ZeE
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Princess Prostitute

IP: 7A38 2D7B

So upset, a female in distress with tears falling down her cheeks/
Blood stains upon her dress, she feels unwanted, pained caress/
From a man she tried hard, still harder to impress/
Chose to obsess, with a love that was so wrong/
Even her fair heart told her breast, it wouldn't stand for long/
But this was the only man to whom her soul belonged/
The one she cried for every night, feelings she'd prolonged/
Happy ever after..or so the story goes/
Until the one she loved did beat her, and rob her of her clothes/
She thought she'd dreamt it up and then the bruises showed/
He slashed and gashed her palest skin until her body glowed/
Blood red and stained with tears, she lies in a room so bare/
That not even hells cruelest demons, dared to enter there/
And here sits a woman, crying in despair, that loves young dream/
Ain't what it seems, she tugs her golden hair/
Screaming from the tallest tower, 'Oh why is life unfair?/
Why did Cinderella's bit offer tender loving care?/
Why did Snow White bag a prince, who treat her kind and fair?/
And why is old Rapunzel, found a man that cares for her?/
While I'm sat in stinking room away from all the world/
A frightened little beauty, still a hungry little girl/
Hungry for love and answers, why did he put me up for sale?/
He werem't a prince, more like a pimp, he ruined my fairytale.'/
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Old 01-08-04, 01:54 PM   #2
FanTa ZeE
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muh?

upping this to the max

engine engine number nine, on the new york transit line, if my train goes off the track, pick it up pick it up pick it up lets.....'RAP'
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Old 01-08-04, 02:04 PM   #3
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whoa..this was tight..had me going..flow messed me up at some points..vocab could have been better..I liked the story..although in the middle..I started to question where where you going with it..the end was a shocker..it cleared up why he did what he did to her..overall this was a good peice..I give it a..ummm...7.9/10..stay up


btw..check out my latest open mic..death of a man..
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Old 01-08-04, 02:06 PM   #4
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yeah, thanks for the feed, will check your now and give you my 2 cents...peace and respect!
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Old 01-08-04, 02:21 PM   #5
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UPPING!


Dawn will break the silence...screaming in our hearts..
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Old 01-08-04, 02:24 PM   #6
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Yeah this was good i thought.....your structure in this was pretty good, could use a touch up in a few spots but nothing real big....had some alright vocab in this....flow was alright through out it, like Dixie said it fell off at some points but it was still good....overall this was a good piece, enjoyed the read....keep at it.
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