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Old 01-14-04, 08:12 PM   #1
dasicknez
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Clones~~ new piece

IP: 25C2 23BD

This is something I wrote very fast, like most of my poems, it's all off the top of my head. But I thought it was kind of interesting and I hope it is enjoyed, replys pls


you notice after time
of living in this life
that events are just a replica
of past days and other eras

we say no one understands us,
the pain that we go through,
but in the end of all our struggles,
we realise that none of this is true

thousands cry tears of loneliness,
because they have no friends,
people die in the name of love,
and heart akes they cannot mend

we all fall victum to this lie,
closing doors to others,
because we think they dont care,
you realise after years of hurt,
that we are in this life to share

when you look into the eyes,
of yourself and you can see,
the many scars of time,
evident on your sleeve

stop looking to your reflection,
in search of something new,
for,
it is only the end that can say,
unto himself all alone,
that these two eyes have seen,
all that is needed to be shown

And when this day shall come,
indefinetly it will,
you will finally understand,
that your pain was not in vain
that all was felt was,
simply, always the same

Depressing it seems now,
that life is just something,
a test that you go through,
not to lose your sanity

but the truth shall set you free,
when fate lets you go,
shortly give your goodbyes,
and remember first hellos

death has been tried,
but many of us before,
for,
we all live as clones,
in the eyes of eternity.
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Old 01-14-04, 09:43 PM   #2
varentao
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It does indeed seem to be one which just 'came out' in a way. Rough in many aspects. Yet the piece still communicates very well.

Seeing as it 'just came out' in a way. Parts do seem forced. Maybe you sufferend constipation once or twice, so had to force it out some 'other' ways.

Recurring and damning messages.

..resp...
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Old 01-14-04, 09:51 PM   #3
dasicknez
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That supposed to be funny? :P

Thanx, and yes as i warned at first i just wrote it off the top of my head, but ty for the rply.
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Old 01-14-04, 09:56 PM   #4
varentao
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Heh. By no means. We're big on metaphors/analogies in here, the poetic scriptures, don't ya know...

...nice piece.
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Old 01-15-04, 08:25 AM   #5
filed
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it may be rough, but it gets your thoughts across very well. your simple with the way you explain things, and in this piece its such a complex thought but you make it seem as simple as a paint by numbers. its simple seeming because you do a good job putting things down in such a way that ppl can relate to or understand easily, and with your own good emotion too.

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Old 01-15-04, 03:09 PM   #6
DthsMissingAngel
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I agree with filed^ 100%. This was a good piece. Sometimes when you write off the top of your head it seems simplistic, but then most human minds think in simple ways. This way, people can understand one another easily and that is exactly what you did in this piece. You did a great job on letting your thoughts and emotions out and I must say that I liked it. Overall, great job, keep it up.
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Old 01-15-04, 11:12 PM   #7
dasicknez
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Thanks for the replys both of you, i really app it
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