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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-15-04, 06:24 PM
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#1
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Eddy.
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Day & night..
IP: 77D5 6AAD
Hmmz Night & day.. The struggle to get through his feelings exhausted him, she left, but the feeling remained as in a phantom limb All this sunshine in his life was , a devotion to his pride? but the counter glow was being replaced by a rainstorm, Trickled him to a 'wreck' that kept him hidden beneath his core.. He decided to take a walk... As he was walking, to this valley, the sun went slowly down.. he saw this mountain expandin valleys with even clouds he couldn’t count, walked toward to the highest peek saw nothing but this glimmer A mirror of hope found his shining frown above this snowless winter… Turns tired, so he sits.. As he sat there thinking, on how to make things change.. warm breaths of wind came over his skin and silence was arranged Then the moon lit horizons & the sun just turned away.. and inside he starts to realize, me trying just pushed her way… As the night fell, closing his eyes he made a wish.. He opened his eyes in psychological states, broke free of memory to figure his fate Saw some glory and wondered why she went away Nocturnal activities on arrival when darkness swarmed his way Struggles were tightened the dark was digging his hearts grave He held his grip in pure spirit hit the floor his strength gave way If there was a hope…….Darkness.. The devastation of ultimate doom was apocalyptic looked like it was over, a done deal as life’s entities transcripted.. SO strong to light the masses with an ecliptic visual sentence a pale light seeped with curtains of mist consuming the earths moon yet words remained absorbed & stuck in his throat with wisdom & truth.. he had stumbled by this will-o'-the-wisp beneath his innate roots.. Conclusion.. Did he finally find the key to open just a gap to pandora's box & will the equator be in balance with results of equinox? I dont know..maybe wishes come true
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Fuck you Last edited by Edicius : 01-18-04 at 11:34 PM. |
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01-15-04, 06:34 PM
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#2
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^ Says It All ^
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IP: 1422 1EBC
You Gave This To Me To Read Before, And Now That I Read It Again, I Really Enjoyed Reading It. Vocab And Flow Was Good, Imagery Was Good, Everything Was Worded Right And Concept Taken Was Good. This Was A Very Good Piece To Read, Personally, When Reading Something Like This, I'd Have Prefered It To Be A Bit Longer, Just So That You Can Get An Actual Image And Idea Of Peoples Mind States.
But Very Good Drop Ed.
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LLL LW Champ <center>Soft Focus</center> |
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01-15-04, 07:07 PM
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#3
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Thnx man really preciated ..
Upper
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Fuck you |
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01-15-04, 07:20 PM
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#4
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Word.
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IP: 6FDC 23CB
Yeah I agree this was a very dope piece....read it twice because I loved it lol....you had nice imaginary in this, i enjoyed that...i liked how you described things in this piece, it made me want to keep reading on....everything really seemed good in this piece, nothing seemed bad at all...overall it was a nice piece, it made a good read and I enjoyed it, legend worthy this, good concept, vocab, flow, & a dope story in it.
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01-15-04, 07:26 PM
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#5
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 7A5E D5B8
Like LitEnd said, i have also been giving a earlier read, but this is one of those rare pieces you can read over & over again..
The imagery was so near perfect that it almost created visuals infront of me, picturing the surroundings of what was being described. The fine array of words made for this dreamy yet realistical feel, very two faced.. The strongness of the piece never faded away at any point & continued right to the very end. To be honest the ending of the piece is perfect.. Again a perfect ending.. which makes for this extra impact when writing feedback. You managed to keep it interestin' at all times. very dope. |
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01-15-04, 07:30 PM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: DE88 2EEF
This was a real nice read ed...flow was perfect..and you got hold of the concept and managed to get into there minds and express it in words which is what all open mics like this are aiming to do..good use of vocab..like Nlitend said this should have been longer to express the meaning slightly more but this was still dopenes...only thing i can say bad about it is the structure..lol
tightness homizzle keep it up  |
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01-15-04, 07:37 PM
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#7
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Write outside that box...its the content.. not the looks. = )
Thnx all uppper.
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Fuck you |
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01-15-04, 08:05 PM
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#8
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i agree, you portrayed it well, with the wording.... the overall feel if it and flow was on point..... well executed..... what esle can i say without repeating others... except the structure comment.... whats that???........nice work...pZ
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01-15-04, 09:25 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: C0FE EC27
I don't check open mcis to often, but i really liked this one.
Had good vocab and was really deep, had tor ead it twice to get the hang of the subject but im a bit slow when it comes to Open Mics. Nice piece i liked how it was broken down intop different parts... |
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01-15-04, 09:31 PM
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#10
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: E7E2 6F94
Yeh nice piece, liked it alot, flow and vocab were good. Like the above dude said, i liked how it was broken into parts, that was pretty coo. anyway nice drop overall keep droppin
peace |
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01-15-04, 09:36 PM
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#11
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Guest
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IP: 5203 B663
OK I like pieces that really get me into the story. This is exacly what it did. I followed the jurney and visualised it , and it was great. I loved the way you looked at this topic, in such a original and imaginative prospective. Reading pieces like this in Open Mike just proves how much talent there is on RB.com . This was of the top of the shelf, and all the props to you.
plz if you can return the fev http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107227 |
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01-16-04, 01:42 AM
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#12
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Will do when i got time, thnx..uppper
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Fuck you |
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01-17-04, 04:52 PM
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#13
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
& up u go.
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Fuck you |
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01-17-04, 06:53 PM
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#14
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Guest
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IP: C475 D689
keep it reel, keep doin your thing and we should do a song together Peace & lov
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01-18-04, 11:34 PM
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#15
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Thnx man .....Uppppper... for more replies!!
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Fuck you |
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