Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
01-18-04, 01:40 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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Lies
IP: C700 B054
Baby You Lied To Me
You Said You Loved Me It Was A Lie You Said You'd Give Me The Moon And The Stars It Was A Lie You Said You Would Always Be There For Me It Was A Lie You Said You Would Never Leave Me It Was A Lie You Left Me When I Needed You The Most You Left Me Cryin All By Myself Baby You Lied To Me |
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01-18-04, 02:41 PM | #2 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 5E8E 873B
it wasn't bad. it kinda dragged, cuz u were basicly saying the same thing, just in different words. it was kinda simple, but this didn't really need to be complex, the only thing is u need to give the reader a lil more of urself in a piece like this cuz its basicly just ur emotion speaking for itself. put a lil more of urself in it and u can have something here. it was still pretty good though, don't make all ur pieces this simple though, but the simplicity did work here.
return the favor on into eternity please |
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01-18-04, 07:49 PM | #3 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
a very simple poem.
with poems as simple as this there is never much to say about them. for everything can be defined as simple. its a piece without any detail that can be taken and expanded on draw a bigger picture with more emotion structure, vocab, flow meaning ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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