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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-29-04, 06:59 PM
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#16
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1E
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IP: DF7B C8F7
PM me for a collab,,,,, im taking a leaf outta your book, ya get me?.....lmao
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01-29-04, 07:35 PM
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#17
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Flyweight
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IP: EB27 E87F
This was a sweet drop, I don't know if I've seen anything else on this site that I enjoyed reading as much, keep droping and I'll keep reading.
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01-30-04, 02:27 PM
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#18
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
 Freeposter!!!!!!! |
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02-01-04, 03:00 PM
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#19
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Quote:
I'm dope....I really enjoyed writing this piece... |
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02-01-04, 03:33 PM
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#20
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So Tired Of It.
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IP: 4577 CD9A
dope as usual..i look forward to ur shit now
__________________
<center> Best Topical League On The Net: The Lyceum $400 IN CASH PRIZES!!!! The Prizes: 1st Place: $250 and 2 round bye next season 2nd Place: $75 and 1 round bye next season 3rd Place: $25 and 5 votes next season Best Record: $25 and 5 votes next season Best Verse: $25 and 5 votes next season Don't miss out on your chance to win big amounts of real cash! Just contact Celestial for more info! </center> |
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02-03-04, 07:11 PM
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#21
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Guest
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
iight...
Ive got loads of time for the moment... So... Ive decided to breakdown this piece... Going for the longest breakdown of a piece ever... A think it deserves my time... Here goes... My deepest decision led to leaving town for three days, Our arguments escalated, soon speeding down the freeway, Putting miles between us, hearts grow fonder with separation Suddenly stomped on the gas, and shot the Honda acceleratin’ Should’ve just been patient, but made the wrong decision Tire popped on a rusty nail, barricades sent the Honda flippin Blood pooled up on the asphalt, death was likely for this creature Medics freed the mangled body, arriving right before the Reaper This like, sets the tone for the piece... Establishes it nicely... Nice wordplay in this... Excellent vocabulary aswell... Painted the image of what was happenin right into my mind... Like about the car flippin... Reminds me of the advert on the TV... The one about driving while tired... So im picturin that right now... And the closer on this verse... Blood pooled up on the asphalt, death was likely for this creature Medics freed the mangled body, arriving right before the Reaper Whoa... That was clever... Brilliant concept... Leaves it hanging... Makes you want to keep on reading... Attention grabber... Thats what it is... lol... On the hospital’s third-floor, inside the Intensive Care Unit In a trance, unable to speak, I'm just sittin there clueless, Needles pierce pale blue skin, metallic probes Mesh with flesh Machines constantly beep and hiss, monitors Protect from death Mind replaying life’s memories, in fast-forward than rewind When I see a flash of her face, I shed a teardrop every time The crash has left me blind, I rely on memories of her smile, The girl I fell in love with, possibly the mother of our child. wanna see her laugh with glee, cant ask if she’s mad at me, If I could take my decisions back, we could be a happy Family I feel her presence every day, checking up & wishing well Still unable to respond, mind stayt frozen in a living hell Im locked away like prison cells, if it weren’t for love I’d die My Emotionless face stays solid, eyes are tearless but I cry, Once again... You can imagine the needles in his body... And can imagine him sitting there in a stupor... Portrays the minds picture excellently... Good explanation of how the machines are keeping him alive... Whoa... The emotion in this verse is amazing... Fuckin Hell... You can just tell how much he loves that girl... And how she is there... But he can only sense that she is there as he is like in a sort of a coma or summin like that... Whoa... Excellent wordplay... Excellent vocabulary... Once again... How he has to rely on the memories of her smile... Dope... You can just imagine the torment going on in his head... How he loves her... Yet he cannot do a thing about it... Apart from thinking about her... How he is crying inside... Yet not showing anythin on the outside... Whoa... Mind replaying life’s memories, in fast-forward than rewind When I see a flash of her face, I shed a teardrop every time That was my favourite line of this verse... Brilliant imagery... Light rain drops splash rhythmically, against the window pane Show patience with coma patients, pretend there is no pain, Many bandages have been removed, black and blue shades fading Possibly the storm has passed, it appears a new day’s breaking, Silently sitting across from each other, we can’t share a word Our auras roam in different realms, still our prayers are heard.. What we had was true love, the crash took her Away from me She left after bitter arguments, while discussing the pregnancy Showed me what true faith was, everytime we made love, I’ve said a million prayers hoping God will make her wake up, Sitting across from you in a daze, now all that’s left is wishing I’ve spent 6 months reliving love, can’t live a life of reminiscing Her physical condition’s slipping, she’ll be visited by the Reaper, I take a large gulp of the poison, I’ll be on the other side to meet her, She awoke for the final second, let out a scream to breaking water, Than cries, “what have you done? I gave my life to save our Daughter” It was too late for her to save me, inside my spirit wasn’t there, We fell down into the bed, lifeless eyes locked in a loving stare... Fuckin Hell... Best verse... This is like, Summin the other 2 up... This has by far the best imagery of all the verses... You can imagine the pain that he feels... The physical pain... It is nothing compared to the emotional pain... Once again... A can just imagine exactly what is happenin as it is being told... The lifeless eyes locked in a loving stare... Whoa... Amazing... It was too late for her to save me, inside my spirit wasn’t there, We fell down into the bed, lifeless eyes locked in a loving stare... Such a brilliant ending to the whole piece... Excellent... This deserves Legends... Its too damn good... Maybe after this breakdown... They might realise... lol... This is the closest thing to flawless... Best OM ive read... And ive read hundreds... Thats why this deserved the super-long breakdown... OUT |
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02-03-04, 08:54 PM
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#22
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 399E F0FD
^ Wow
 ..thanks... |
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02-05-04, 10:13 AM
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#23
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
feel like uppin all my shit..
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