now ya have them beggin to stop
they pop a nigga off top
now yous poppin a cop
hah im straight puttin it down for my block
i make sure you hear JAY Real about the consequence
insteadof glorifin a lifestyle that lacks any type of commonsense

It took me an open and a close mind
it took a lack of compromise and findin some truth in lies
Yo it takes a sense of focus and clear mindstate
it takes shape and destiny and acceptin fate
So take reality now before it might be too late

Take lessons and learn to be true to the E.S
realize not to fuck wit a solja
its takes self creation notin less
i make this my art,my culture,my release
my outlet by means through which i reveal the beast

need feedback

^ Needs work, your lines in the beginning were very simple. Your rhyming top, with cop. Know what I mean? Then, you got line afterwards, that don't match up syllable wise, try to get a structure that evens out your lines, all the way down. It will give the reader a better flow, and will look alot nicer.



^ This wasn't bad, tho, you have very short bars, you need to get more detailed, give it some imagery, and add some metaphors to this. It would make it just a lil more interesting. Better, but could still use help.



^ Feeling the last line, tho like I said on the previous sections, need to get more complex with your lines, your still in the beginning stage it seems like.

Keep writing, find a writing structure that fits you, and when you drop an open mic. Try to think about a topic, and write on it. Use a dictionary, and or thesaurus by all means. The more words you have in your head, the more words you can rhyme with, plus vocab is sometimes a +.

Keep up kid.