Witnesser of many acts of assassin's,
And massecists sicker than mutliple molasses's,
He comes back to hit up mansion with,
A rich man that once did bad to him,
"Answer this", the man started asking him,
"How come all of a sudden you want to be the pacifist?"

Sitting back watching the victim come closer to my realm...

"Surely you can't commit to acts of this!"
Assassin with an axe in hand, ready to slash at him,
As if he was cancerous, the man at disadvantages,
Wraps him in bandages to then manage,
Blood flow, his head rushes, as blood spurts,
His tongues hurts, but on faster he presses,

Both are in shock, both are mine...

And still faster, out of control,
A powerful glow, the soul,
Out of the hole,
The dead man's heart beats out of control

The strife is over, there lives are over,
They're both mine, they're flesh and bone is my ambrosia,
Your now my soldier, your life's my dosia,
You're all mine, you're flesh and bone is my ambrosia

Now unto the monks of the Shaolin,
I'm smiling, as death's steps is coralling,
An endless abyss of annihaling,
While I'm riling, seeds to compile in,
A maelstrom of souls, up a mile in,
Howling in pain, no one to save ...
But both sides are my assailants,
Anybody, I'm digging the hole to your grave,
Showin a page of my book in this chapter of dying,
This image of who's going to blame,
But now who hears laughter and sighing,
While I'm sticking your soul in a cage,
You're friendless, held captive on an island,
But also endless pain, snowed in a cave,
Surrounded by helplessness and crying,
Of lives I've grown to attain,
Lives are lives, all the quotas the same,
I'm merciless, struck by selfish and blinded.
The Eye of Death.

The strife is over, there lives are over,
They're both mine, they're flesh and bone is my ambrosia,
Your now my soldier, your life's my dosia,
You're all mine, you're flesh and bone is my ambrosia

__________________
I rhyme better than who rhymes better than you

Damn NICE CONCEPT!!

I read it a few times.
At 1st I didn't know how I was gonna (constructively) criticize it
Then I thought just let it speak for itself and point out good and bad

So here is my honest opinion

Your 1st paragraph:


It was good vocab. usage, a lilttle choppy, but I liked it as an intro: or whatever.
Like I said good vocab. flow, wordplay,
might wanna lengthen it (as in all bars) for better flow

Nice
"Sitting back watching the victim come closer to my realm..."
LoL

This was BETTER!!


That was pretty ILL!!
Good multies, good structure, good flow, (lengthen LIKE THAT)
I really don't have nothing bad to say bout this
You elevated on the next paragraph!! DOPE!!

The rest of the verse reflects the same

All I got to say is lenthen each line

FAV part...


Good shit cuz, stay up, keep elevating.....

Damn we're still waiting on them votes
LMAO

I' guess will have to wait for Round 2 some other time in the future.

Being as we've been stuck waiting for another battle....



LoL

Feel free to criticize my other open mics poetry and cypher

Much Love

JamesJr.

__________________
undefined
Love for all real lyricists and poets
~~~~~~~~
Open Mics
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729

2nd Battle NEEDS 4
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858

Thanks for input, just an uppin

__________________
I rhyme better than who rhymes better than you

Uppin, drop a link, I will check urs out

__________________
I rhyme better than who rhymes better than you

Hmmm~~~~I never read your stuff before..and after this..I might start peeping your stuff..this was decent...your content was nice..not so great on the scheme..but..other than that...decent..peace...