Angel Crying

The color from her eyes have been drained;
a frown covers her face. Her wings
shattered; falling down…down…down and
crashing to ground, but not making a sound.

Rachel was only six years old when her
daddy left her. Her heart broke, an everything
fell to pieces. She begged him “Please daddy don’t
go!” But he just wouldn’t listen. Day after day
she threw a quarter in the same well just
wishin he’d come back. Every night as she lay
awake in bed, she swore she could hear a cryin angel…

When an angel cries the skies go dark.
The salt from their tears stain the ground
and make their mark. When an angel cries
it pours down drowning the world.

Billy was 15 years old when his parents reported him
missin’. They didn’t know how it could happen to them.
He was only a kid. When they found him, it was too
late, he had already gone.

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Nice shit. Dope 4 real. Real nice words in there. Packed wit emotion feelin it alot. Keep em comin.

.::Uno Amor::.

yo this a gud..... i think it raises a real problem in parts of the world an theres a lotta imagery...keep droppin......return tha favor

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ight...thnx

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this piece was opened up nicely, thou the rhyming did seem a bit forced at the end of the first stanza, but only a bit. then it went deeper, and emotion began to show, and the detail was good, vocab not bad, flow was and structure were basic, but the content was good, and well thought out. but i found that it was choppy, jumped all over the place near the end, and when it ended it just seemed incomplet, like we were missing a big chuck of the story. i think it could be expanded, and made a better piece, but this had its well written lines.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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thnx for the honest feedback...i'll take into consideration what you put, and maybe experiment wit some different shit, and i'll see how it turns out...if i like the way it turns out, i'll come back and edit this post and let everyone read the edited one and see what they think of it...

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man dat shit was hott it was deep its sad dat really happens in da world keep doin yo thang n keep dem comin holla

thnksuppinformorefeedback

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read tha opener and knew what to expect, THIS SHIT SUCKED!!!!!!!!HORRIBLE RHYME SCHEME FORCED 'INTELLIGENCE' IT WAS GARBAGE YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF FOR POSTING OSME SHIT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!
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Everything above this line is bullshit, this was dope duke good drop keep posting!!!!!!