if the shoe fits wear it/wit my rhymes bout to tear it
your spittin reminds me of the tooth ferry
i spit more word than a websters dictionary
just when i get started you start a chorus
i been spittin so much bout to be horse/i think like a theosaraus
after i clear my throat wit a drink of hennessey
walk over to your girl and bend her over over my knee
she sittin in my lap like im santa claus
when you get ready to leave shen goin pause
she likes me and i aint kiddin
secerts in my pants i keep it hidden
you mess wit me and its real damn simple
ima bust your ass like a big white pimple
dont know why bein so open
i spit the truth and i aint jokin
take me to the bricks and show me a clown
you think is man enuff to bring me down
people call me a docter got so many paitents
there every were i travel all over the nation
im always tastin i try new things
fuck them bitches aint buyin em no rings
dont need platinum or a mouthful of bling bling
im like alfonzo capone the real fuckin thing

if you went all out on thsi one damn

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http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=78853

Check it out

Looks like you have the basic funda-mentals down, if you work at it you can only get better.

You use everyday random metaphors, that just sound good together, every two lines don't need to rhyme everytime you lay down, most people start that way, though. Not tryin to say ima masta at it, cause im not, but that just sticks out for me.

Keep it up kid~

thanx for the advise and ill try to use it but once i start it just flows and it seams good and try readin the sad but true then let me know what you think