I WAKE UP EVERYDAY THINKING ABOUT YOU
ASKING MYSELF HOW COULD I LOSE AN ANGEL LIKE YOU
I STILL REMEMBER THE DAY YOU SAID WE WERE THROUGH
MY MIND WENT CRAZY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT I COULD DO
I GUESS IT WAS BECAUSE I WASNT TRUE TO YOU BOO
GOD HAS PLACE ME HERE TO BE WIT YOU
GIVE AND DO EVERTHING YOU WANT ME TO
THATS WHY IM GLAD YOU ACCEPTED ME
SO STOP COMPLAINING AND FORGET ABOUT THE PAST AND SAY"I DO"


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Aint as deep as other people poem but go wit it
and its short cuz i aint use to this romantic stuff ya know

this was ok for a first poem.. ..felt what you were sayin but if you want emotion to really hit hard, word it better.. ..up tha vocab as well.. ..rhyme scheme was too simple, tha sencond to last lin didn't rhyme with tha rest of it either.. ..workin on it, you'll get it


¤DoS¤

U got mad potencial boo,
but loose tha CAPS!
Put in bars ...
U gotta put more vocab and depth
into ur work ...
Make peeps feel wha u writtin,
more descriptive!

U started off quite well ...

Props,

pz
~1~

nice...solid piece...simple...yet well put...i felt it in my own way...keep on elevating....respect....

it was ok for ya first try... reminds me of stuff I used to write... use better vocab though "-tion"s are easier to rhyme with, I wouldn't write it in caps either, it feels like your yellin. but over all the message was clearly delivered, you may want to put some imagery into it or feelings or somethin but it was good, look forward toya next peice

yo ur first poem is always da best bcuz u put most of ur tyme into it so dat it sounds good......... overall it was hott. keep writin im lookn to see more of ur shyt. 1luv peeaaaaaaaaceee

Thanks for the advice

no doubt!!