|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-22-04, 02:22 AM
|
#1
|
||||
|
C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
|
Poem For English!!
IP: A34C 61B2
I believe the whispers of winter wind create the soothing language of my soul.
In my world, I smear the make up from the women revealing their true beauty. Because I'm young, I try not to let the touch of premature hearts elevate me higher than the moon. I believe when I cry God transforms my salty tears into candied sweetness. In my world, love incubates your soul like a mother's womb which always lasts for eternity. Because I'm young, I run from my shadow desiring a storm to block the sunlight. I believe that the playing of music cools over the heated boiling of blood. In my world, evil will crush into the lakes, having the ripples spread, forming visions of hope. Because I'm young, I smooth our my insecurities waiting for the blossoms of spring to make me into the goddess of my fantasies. I believe that those of trapped, blackened hearts secretly want to be lathered clean. In my world, shooting makes ones blood flow thicker, making them stronger for the highway of life. Because I'm young, I know fallen dreams aren't lost, but are reserved in the clouds for us to reach higher than we did before. *A friend did this poem, please leave feedback!*
__________________
www.FG-Servers.com    Last edited by Dabatos : 12-24-04 at 11:09 PM. |
||||
|
|
|
12-22-04, 05:23 PM
|
#2
|
||||
|
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
|
IP: 00D1 1A9E
that was probably one of the best peices ive seen on here tahnk god a poem tht didnt rhyme lol i was going crazy u have beautiful poetry i dont really like oetry but i really like this peice i could see pictures in my head when i read this u have beautiful imagery
__________________
  O.Y.D. |
||||
|
|
|
12-22-04, 05:38 PM
|
#3
|
|||||||
|
Ya mom massages my nuts
|
IP: DBCE DC18
Word...ya friend is talented man.....her imagery was nice....I like how she thoroughly described her thoughts in this piece...it was very enjoyable.....an complex but understandable...thats real peotry...good job ma'
__________________
Haters spend all they time hating on another's life
Then wonder why when presenting there's to others...no one looks twice Because at the end of the day, you get what you give So, when you consumed with his...don't get mad when everyone else is |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
12-22-04, 05:40 PM
|
#4
|
|||
|
God is a Fable.
|
IP: F472 7DE6
This was a really nice piece.... the imagery in here was amazing... it was really nice and vivid it really drew picture in my mind as i was reading this... really good imagery... the emotion was good aswell nice and strong.... your frind has really good writing abalities... very nice piece
9.3/10 |
|||
|
|
|
12-22-04, 08:51 PM
|
#5
|
|||||
|
Banned: Cheating
|
IP: 5043 32F4
Quote:
yo triple shes a gurl...lmao... but anyway ya your freind is talented...got some skill...i would say that the stucture needs work...the vocabulary was pretty good...and the flow was done nicely...could use more wordplay but i seen some trippy stuff...and very tight metaphores used in here...good luck...drop feed on my alaises open mics...IMIND knows who i am *edited*...sry about the swears knowing that yall are religous n stuff  i am too ...but i jsut dont do the stuff you gurls/guys do..Last edited by Magical : 12-22-04 at 09:28 PM. |
|||||
|
|
|
12-23-04, 12:10 AM
|
#6
|
|||
|
.:Comin In With A Bang:.
|
IP: 0825 899A
that poem was a lil to deep for me...I could picture myself in there cuz it was so real....It went str8 to the story or topic or w.e and made its point...Structure was aight..to tell ya da truth i was gettin a lil bored at the towards da end...Overall it was pretty good..Just fix the structure up and ryhme a lila nd mix the closer up a lil sit would be great.....
__________________
FREE AGENT Itz Coopa Bang bitch and I done made a transition, I smell what ya hattaz cookin but ya aint smellin what im wrippin, The net fixin to burn cuz Bang in the buildin.... Me fallin off,start Trippin and slackin, Nope that will never happen Just like the Pope Rappin...... |
|||
|
|
|
12-23-04, 08:58 PM
|
#7
|
||||||
|
Just Another DipSet
|
IP: A9DF 380A
Quote:
That was one of the best pieces i've ever seen and placed my eyes upon...lol....great jon dab....great story and poetry point blank....10/10....keep doing ya thing.....
__________________
The Legacy
 Its Only Getting Better |
||||||
|
|
|
12-25-04, 02:43 PM
|
#8
|
||||
|
C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
|
IP: A34C 61B2
Thanx, the feedback is much appreciated..
__________________
www.FG-Servers.com |
||||
|
|
|
|
01-02-05, 12:57 AM
|
#9
|
|||||
|
A Reflection Of The Past
|
IP: ABE5 5A5C
naw this was ok.....
she tryed to hard with this ,imagery was ok...not too vivid, emotion was quite good,the word choice was ok,vocab was ok also but some words seemed forced,this wasn't bad but italso wasn't asd good as dabatos made it out to be,but yes the concept was good,structure was ok,this was a decent read........7/10
__________________
Crhyme Sindicate
|
|||||
|
|
|
01-19-05, 01:08 AM
|
#10
|
||||
|
C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
|
IP: 6139 23EA
uppin uppin uppin uppin uppin uppin uppin uppin uppin
__________________
www.FG-Servers.com |
||||
|
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
