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Old 04-03-05, 03:18 AM   #1
H-N-I-C
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Text Record: 3-5
I'm Insane

IP: 0268 34D0

A topical I wrote about goin insane

A crazy place inside my mind, opened the door marked caution
Wandered the inner workings of my brain…..tryna get lost in
A place of bliss and ecstasy to escape the pain of my life
Tried time and time again and just couldn’t get shit right
High school was such breeze girls was all on my nuts
A’s in every class, teach sayin keep that shit up
Got to college, went downhill, started fuckin wit ex
Went raw up in a bitch, now u know what happened next
No I ain’t get no S.T.D, my dick was still in tact
Girl called and said “I’m pregnant” how was I to react
This has gotta be a joke I’m not ready for this
The way I was askin why you would think I was Kiss
Why did I take that damn pill…Why’d I ingest that shit
Why did I go up in that pussy w/o a condom on my dick
Why me, Why now, Why this point in my life
Why’d I impregnate a bitch I wouldn’t call my wife
Now I’m havin nightmares, my life has come to an end
My college career is all over I can’t even pretend
To be the least bit happy, I can’t take care of myself
How the hell am I gon keep my seed in good health
Too much for me to handle thoughts cloudin my mind
So I turned back to ex…so I could try and unwind
Pills got a hold on my life, now I’m drownin in sorrow
Hopin I don’t wake up and have to face tomorrow
Reality was settin in I couldn’t deal wit a kid
My life seemed to be over, so guess what I did
Took a knife to my wrist, and slid it across the vein
It finally happened, time was due, A nigga went insane
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Old 04-03-05, 10:28 PM   #2
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Uppin this shit
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Old 04-04-05, 12:27 AM   #3
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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This was an okay drop you need to work..
More on feeling the concept, and usuing more feeling ,
Learn to make the reader keep wanted to read your drop..
You can also work on using alittle imagery ... show some emotion.
But its was a cool peice i liked it ...keep it up
and hope to see another drop from you soon.


Ps: I needa link to an OM' you have left feedback on or this will be closed
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Last edited by Bonecollector : 04-04-05 at 02:01 AM.
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Old 04-04-05, 01:56 AM   #4
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preciate tha feedback...uppin this
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Old 04-29-05, 11:09 PM   #5
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Guess I'll up this one last time
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Old 05-02-05, 12:56 PM   #6
Adrenaline
unknown legend...
 
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just returnin the favor...

it was aiight...it had some good emotion yo...my favourite line was

"This has gotta be a joke I’m not ready for this
The way I was askin why you would think I was Kiss"

I like that one...and you also elaborated more on it by making like ur next 2 bars ask why...it was ok...u could use some work with the vocab and imagery but it was aiight...
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Old 05-10-05, 11:21 PM   #7
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uppin..............................
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