Help me!..Sumbody Please!
HELP ME!
I'm drowning in a pool of destruction.
One of my own design,
with my hands giving aid to its construction.
...Corruption,
got in touch with me when morality wasn't.
Buzzing are the sounds of lead piercing skin in my ears,
and iron clad cheeks echoeing tears.
...Through the years lost fears
lost peers
drank beer
engulfed my mind with smoke...Thought it'd keep my mind clear.
Dear Lord, Forgive me, for i have sinned
and forgive me for tomorrow, I'm guaranteed to do it again.
Help Me!
I've depleted my energy to swim.
the tide's above my chin.
again,
I've begun to sink.
Never did I think I would fall into the pool while tipping for a drink.
...Pushing the brink
I fell for this destruction.
but was 1st lured in by its seduction
techniques so unique
I was too weak to retreat
so I weap
as I reap what I've sown
which is my own defeat
to my suprise my demise came in no disguise
its just my eyes wanted to see what they wanted to see
and my mind deprived my 3rd eye of its right to be...
..in existance.
with persistance
valuable lessons I consistantly missed it.
too stuburn to listen
now I'm wishin I would've payed attention in swim class.
Fuck shit's creek
I'm Omar Epps but way deeper
Yeah I'mma get out,
just like I'mma jump higher than Mike by wearin these sneakers.
Somebody SAVE ME!
Somebody lend me a helping hand.
Someone who understands
I don't expect one from my best man
although we have different faces and names,
our situation is 1 and the same.
Players of the same game,
and as the rule states:
"If u get fucked you're outta luck.
As long as its not on my buck you're straight."
So how can another man help me if he can't help himself?
How can he help me regain my health?
I'm in this by myself.
but that's by choice
Those who could've helped me i pushed away with alienation
suicidal fascination
0.60 for blunts at the gas station
plus a dime bag of fiya
equals up to one thing
...Attempted Self Assassination

__________________

i just noticed something

__________________

Yo, this reminds me of me wayyy back in the day. I used to chop the lines just like this!
This had feeling. But you need better structure and you need to up your vocab. I like it... i really did. I opened this page and I was like, yupp.. me 4-5 years ago. Over all this is a good piece and worth the read.
Yo, do me a favor and check out my shit. Read it. I promise it is worth the read. Over all I give this a 7/10..
sweft

http://community.RAPVERSE.COM/showthread.php?p=2092510

__________________
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/tc46tg.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> <BR>
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/joseph7qs.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

i write it how its said. cuz i preform all of my work live. and it makes it easier to remember. so thats why the structure is like that... but thanks for the feed

__________________

Oh, okay.. you are more slam poetry. I see. Im not that huge into slam poetry. I MEAN dont get me twisted i like it. Im just not great at it.

like I said. GOOD DROP!
Well, check out my shit.. i hella need feed-back!
late!
Sweft

__________________
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/tc46tg.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com"> <BR>
<img src="http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y103/sweft/joseph7qs.gif" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

The Kid Who Said Bad Struture I Might Go Kill Later Wtf!!damn Idiot Anyways.............this Was Dope Ood Visuals Nice Vocab Good Topic Used Before But You Gave It A Nice Play On It.i Can Relate To This Homie Shit Is Good Here I Can Read It Like A Spoken Word Piece Here As Well Real Nice You Brought Your Emotion Accross Without Sacraficing Visual Or Vocab Like Some Of These Kids Do.this Was A Nice Read Good Drop 8/10

__________________