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04-17-05, 06:32 PM | #1 | ||||
Light Weight
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WHAT! Ask me now why Im in TC!
IP: 342A DA98
People, read all of this through. You will see my writing talent. This is my best yet. Please read all. I swear to GOD it will be worth it.!.
I remember second grade, '91, a beautiful year Before I met you, life was boring with my usual peers Some liked the hardcore metal, some into the pop scene Then I seen people hooked onto you like rock fiends Caught my attention, had my mind in a state of suspension And when I heard your name mentioned, you made a deep impression Like infection, but this disease cured me of my affliction I realized my calling in life was to love you without restriction Thoughts were distant, I'm a young cat, already thinkin longevity Your pedigree had me intrigued, seeking you desperately But you played hard to get, though my thoughts were far from sex You were afraid I'd use you, and depart like all the rest You couldn't understand the feeling of a young man Completely obsessed, my plan was to one day hold your hand You were in demand, everyone needed some of your affection I knew you'd only show me love if I got my game to perfection 'Cause your game was solid, you used to flirt with me Hurtin me, we'd joke around, you did that shit purposely Ever since that day my boy introduced you to me I foolishly thought your moves to me weren't done abusively Yeah you hurt me, perfectly worked me, it's funny how you jerked me Must of had a Berkley degree, how to flirt superbly Two years later after we were friends, and you found me appealing I thought I'd grab a pen and pad, and express to you my feelings I sat and wrote a poem, thought I was writing intricate words In truth it was abstract thoughts, an insignificant verse I read it to you, you laughed and called me a fake I felt my heart break as my hand started to shake Why wouldn't you accept me? Why'd you have to infect me? At least respect me, instead you chewed me and didn't digest me You spit me out, and left me in the streets begging forgiveness In the distance, you said "Don't give up" and gave me your digits I finally made some progress, a small step toward being with you And in your eyes I could see, you needed me to kiss you... ...Two years later, my feelings towards you were even greater I was in a state of infatuation, studied you alpha to omega But I got wiser, I noticed the way you despised the Letters I wrote to you, like a childish admirer So I listened, your words glistened, I had a new mission Spend all my time with you, wishing to learn your wisdom Everything you spoke I absorbed, even what others ignored Totally engorged, wanted more, radiated toward your orb Your knowledge inspired me, like caffeine wired me But you still didn't feel the same, I noticed your sister admired me Your appearance was similar, I started to get into her Plus you were so complicated, she was much simpler Some people that didn't know, called her by the same name as you Sometimes I got confused, but she didn't have the same mindframe as you So for the next three years, me and her were together Then one day saw you, and remembered she's a pretender I could see you'd been hurt, and that you needed me Broke up with her immediately, fot the first time you believed in me God how I missed you, I leaned in and kissed you You pulled back, then embraced, and finally made my wish true It was a Thursday in the month of May when we discoverd fate I knew I'd never be one of the ones that your love betrayed... ...Tenth grade began, remember all the things we'd planned? I was gettin high off you, while my boys were steamin plants We spent all our time together, maybe that was our mistake I guess it was fate that our love would breed a little hate We started fightin, clashed like thunder and lightnin What was once so right, seemed like it might end We were going through strife, I was no longer enjoying life One night, had a huge fight, I had to exit stage right That's when I decided to bounce from the crib outta spite Went to a rave, but I didn't find nothing I liked But I realized it would be best, if you'd see me less Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess we'd test Those four months without you, I did nothin but think about you Had to be around you, once again it was a Thursday night when I found you You made a request, my favorite song, I knew we passed the test I guess when true love manifests, it finds success through any stress... ...Fall of '02, I bought a gift for us to share It looked so beautiful in the store, I had to get the matching pair They spun, hypnotized me, I heard you chant the message I gently touched you, you sang louder, and I began caressing With every touch, we became closer until our souls merged There were no more cold words, our love fused to mold birth Love is infinate, infatuation is intricate What we shared that day was equivalent to simple arithmetic Me plus you would equal a bond that would never diminish The simplest answer I gathered was, you're my reason for existence With my love validated, I picked up the pen Once again I wrote you a love letter, to tell you my intent When I finally got the nerve to read you those words My thoughts were no longer shallow, I was deeply submerged I noticed a tear in your eye when I finished reciting You were a little frightened at how much my mind was enlightened I had been listening all those years, to every word you preached And now our thoughts advanced beyond the weak, and met at the same peak... ...Today I feel incredible, our love is beyond sexual I've found someone intellectual, I got so much respect for you I still see your sister some days around the way I knew one day she'd be rich, I guess she found her way And even though you and me aren't blessed with material pleasures The mutual respect we share, is our greatest treasure My mind is a gem, and your voice is a diamond Every day I'm findin new situations our love is defined in I hold you in high esteem, my Queen My dream is to find a scheme for me and you to get cream For the time being, I only have my love to offer And in a year or so I plan to make that love into our daughter You control me, nurture me, hold me, need you to mold me I'm still loyal all these years, remember all that you told me Please don't leave me, like others you've loved in the past In the last for years, one of my friends have passed I wanna tame you, remain true, hold you down like gravity I have to be with you forever, Hip Hop, will you marry me? http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=186428 Uppin for feed-back and it will be returned! (I also have this posted in OM)
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04-17-05, 07:35 PM | #2 | |||||
...Liven Proof...
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IP: F525 0750
10/10.......dis shit had creativity, wordplay, imagery, flow (even tho its text)........forreal i was really feelin dis drop even tho it was years long lol........u got a story tellin talent so i give dis a 10
stay up |
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04-17-05, 08:01 PM | #3 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: EF48 5B3C
all i can say is....DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN.....good shit fa real fa real. keep doin wut u doin pimp...dont put down da pen...EVA
A |
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04-17-05, 09:46 PM | #4 | |||||||
...
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IP: CF4E 8780
lol the council wont take u unless u know ppl in em or have a godly record lol..but nice piece
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Â-balam balam i treat yall like cans of spam Free Time... I Live the Lifestyle You Want to Live Secret Society/Cut Throat |
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04-17-05, 10:31 PM | #5 | ||||
I Got Money In Tha Bank
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IP: 22C6 2F1A
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....how u xpect me to read a damn novel...nigga my eyes was like dryin out readin it
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04-18-05, 12:08 AM | #6 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
yeh this why he one of TC's poet.
This is honestly goldy. everything in this peice consist's of real shit,that I asume most of us who love hip hop can relate to. your emotion in this is deep. your imagery in this is strong. your content is great! your twist at the end is good THIS IS WHY SWEFT IS TC! good repping fam! ~F-D~ Last edited by Fi-Del : 04-18-05 at 02:04 AM. |
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04-18-05, 01:39 AM | #7 | |||||||||||
^TO FEAR OR NOT TO FEAR?^
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IP: 45BC C019
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW u muther fucka LMFAO i cant believe i just read that whole thing but i am so happy i did because that was one of the best OM i read on this bitch i really liked this shit lmao i know u said there was goin to be a twist but i was expectin something like the girl cheated on u ll u took it on a whole nother level this shit was dope 10/10 deffinently, lol i wasnt goin to read it all but after i started i kinda got hooked lol this shit was hella dope and u betta not quote me so i can look like im a fiend lmao but yea this shit was hot and keep em comin u little talented muther fucka lol oh and Fi-del his name is sweft not swift lol
aight son stay up, TC 4eva
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04-18-05, 02:05 AM | #8 | ||||
Back....
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IP: C863 0AC4
You were in demand, everyone needed some of your affection
I knew you'd only show me love if I got my game to perfection My favorite lines. fuck this was long but worth it. I read all of em except the last paragraph. I'll read it whem my mom isn't around. But lot of deep emotiion anmd I felt the way you feel about girls lol. I loved all the wording and some of my end rhymes were her and I'm flattered cuz in such a great poem. maybe you and I can help each other out and we supposed to collab. But I would love to poetry collab with you and if we do make sure you are as good as you are now. But maybe your as good as me. lol. Keep repping TC with that hot shit. Peace. RTF or else...
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Back..... |
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04-18-05, 08:45 AM | #9 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
DAME,,.... Shit son this was a dope verse I read the whole thing which
is good... Vocab on point,.. Flow on point with nice inners which added to complexity dame,.. Anyways thought I better peep your writing for the poetry league and I guess I'm lucky I did. Seems like I'm gonna have to drop some heat,.. Keep writing Sweft 1~ |
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04-18-05, 09:22 AM | #10 | |||||
Divine Ascension
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IP: E195 8305
I'm reading this in incriments. i have ADD i cant concentrate that long. sorry
but from what i have read this shit is dope. i can relate to it whole heartedly... i'mma read sum more when i get out of class. i'm already late for Sociology if u can, feed on my piece "I'm a Nigga" its in my sig as well
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-Transcending The Heavens- I am before before... Before death is eternity, After death is eternity. There is no death, only eternity. And I be riding the wings of eternity... ___________________________________________ 3 Poems.:.3 Features.:.3 Weeks Consecutively I'm a Bad Man |
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04-18-05, 10:08 AM | #11 | ||||
E-Style, Bitch.
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IP: ECB3 36A0
Yo, on the real...
this peice was that fiya, everything was right on point, wordplay, creativity, an a very imagantive peice, enjoyable ta read, there is not a damn thing i can fault wit this.....keep 'em comin dogg, 9/10 fa this peice
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People Hate What They Can't Conquer |
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04-18-05, 02:33 PM | #12 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: C27A 825D
Quote:
Wow, It feels kinda good you know? Like, I dont show alot of my work cuz It's personal. I feel like I am on American Idol! (LoL) Well, everyone who droped somethin i either already posted on theirs or Im gettin' to it.. Thankx everyone.. Uppin... Sweft
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04-18-05, 03:05 PM | #13 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
you son of a beach....why did i read that whole thing?....because it was fucking amazing....shit, you piece of shit...i was so submerged with the storyline, i didn't think at all you would throw that mother fucking twist in......then i was lik, SHIT BITCH.....i was kinda getting suspiscious with all the loving and shit before gr.10, haha, but seriously, this was a great OM, one of the best i've read, it was refreshing, because everything was positive and expressed so vividly......emotion = great....imagery = fuckin great storyline = son of a beach great, haha, flow was good to get into.....some lines were choppy but you stayed consistent, which is good...hang on, im a go find my fav lines........
I sat and wrote a poem, thought I was writing intricate words In truth it was abstract thoughts, an insignificant verse Everything you spoke I absorbed, even what others ignored Totally engorged, wanted more, radiated toward your orb Me plus you would equal a bond that would never diminish The simplest answer I gathered was, you're my reason for existence ^ word, just some lines that stood out in my mind......aight man, definately keep up......hall of famer right here, haha, pz
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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04-18-05, 03:17 PM | #14 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: 3147 6785
Omg Theres Hella D.r In This Thread Ill Be Real Wit You Homie Cuz I Aint No Fake Dude This Was O.k Overall Much Too Long For One But Still Was Good.you Need To Use Better Vocab As Well As Better Metaphores It Seems As If You Sacraficed Imagery To Make It Flow Better And Ryhme Toghther More Fluidl;y Dont Do That This Is Poetry Let It Free Flow.other Then That Story Was Good Here The Imagery Was Good But Couldve Been Much Better Here Overall Too Long Bue A Decent Story In It.
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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04-18-05, 03:26 PM | #15 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: C27A 825D
Wow, thank you Kesse and C.A.L.I!
Wow, Kasse! Son of a Beach! (LoL) I haven't heard that in hella days.. Thank you for the encouragement.. C.A.L.I... Where are you from? I stayed in San Jo for about a year.. where you stay? Thank you everyone.. and if I didnt drop any feedback than give me a link and I will do so! Sweft
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