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Old 04-20-05, 01:16 AM   #1
Hells Fire
Life is a Constant Battle
 
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yo its from ve3 semis topical piece-"Unbalanced World"

IP: B086 CC08

dont want the piece to go to waste so give me a critique i got some ups on the piece so give me what ya think....



Unbalanced world

There was a planet and god created life
There was a adam and god created wife
So pure after a million of jurrassic and death
So sure before a villian of terroric hand depth
A fruit produced to kill that what was created
a tooth engulfed to vile which almighty hated
curiousity and stupidity lead to death and disease
animosity and nudity lead to self fire and no cease
That which we relied of life turned to slave for life
That which we allied for life turned to made for knife
Man turned to group turned to city turned to state
Politic turned group friend to enemy foed to hate
Nature turned shelter to mature for home to make
Nature learned skelter to rapture for throne to take
Metal tool for make of tool for war tool left horrible scar
Mental fool for sake of rule for war fool left terrible war
Animal new to extinct juvenile turned adult for precinct
Denial grew to distinct senile maned fault for excrement
The worm birthed from the apple had destoyed surface to core
The germ birthed from shrapnel had estoyed mallace to gore--(estoy-to be)
Evil and corruption gaining weight on the planetary tetertauter
vile and consumption waining fate on the evolutionary mentor
Talk turned communication turned envious and gossip progression
write turned conversation turn email-us and hate it no stagnation
Unbalanced world of demonic message within love and strength
unbalanced world of horrific homeage within good and faith
Let this world find that path and forgive each other for wrath
Let this problem find the math and derive each other for half
Till then the sea is soughter and god berthed a demonic angel for daugther
till then the blood is water and we frogs maybe mechanic pawn for faughter
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Old 04-20-05, 01:35 AM   #2
Hells Fire
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links

IP: B086 CC08

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Old 04-20-05, 09:37 AM   #3
Hells Fire
Life is a Constant Battle
 
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IP: 56C5 7493

uppin yo uppin...........................
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Old 04-20-05, 04:28 PM   #4
Hells Fire
Life is a Constant Battle
 
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IP: BD26 93A4

come on got a no show and i want to know what ya think give me a read....uppin
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Old 04-20-05, 05:59 PM   #5
Speats
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pretty good fam,structure was dope...till the end lol,but nice vocab man,keep dropin
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Old 04-20-05, 10:48 PM   #6
Hells Fire
Life is a Constant Battle
 
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IP: 8F25 CFEE

thanks fam.....uppin
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Old 04-21-05, 07:44 AM   #7
Speats
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return the favor at 1st Keystyle please
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