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Old 04-23-05, 01:59 AM   #1
Elementality
 
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The Cold Sun

As I walk through the forest I see him peering over my shoulder
I know that if I turn around I will be petrified with one glance
So I don’t, instead, I pretend like he's not there.... But hes consistent
He wants me to let my guard down so he can claim me: Another dead

Years without looking upward even once into the orange giant's baneful eyes
Because I know that if I gaze at him crookedly he will kill me surely
For he massacres thousands a day, in every conceivable matter
He doesn't really care who I am, what my name is, or where I'm from
All he cares about is ravaging humanity off systematically

As I look around at all the magnificent beauty of this natural phenomena,
I reach an epiphany. One that hits you swiftly in the most impetuous of ways
I then stop abruptly, and I see his shadow directly under me, this time he talks
He tries convincing me that he isn't just the monstrosity I’ve come to conceive
He says hes a giver of life to all, and a caretaker of the earth as well

This may be true. But you're missing one piece... Sure you flourish life all
over the globe, keep things warm, and you even give us everlasting energy
You are the provider of life, true. But before life has its chance to live
you take it away not making you a giver of life.... but an Indian giver.

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Old 04-23-05, 03:55 AM   #2
.Poetic.
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^ Good drop..

This is your battle in Poetry League vs Hells Fire...correct? Anyways...I liked the vocabulary and the way this played out.. Was a pretty solid poem all the way around... nice drop...
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Old 04-23-05, 08:39 AM   #3
BkBrawla
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^^ Nice drop.


Imaginary of this piece was flawless. Vocab was decent, nice choosing words man. The emotion, of this piece needs to upp a little just a little. Liked your flow. I like the way you came at this piece, great angle. Keep doing it bruh.
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Old 04-23-05, 01:14 PM   #4
Elementality
 
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haha, yea it was my bad. I was drunken editing my shit in here then dropping it in poetry league thread, but then I totally forgot I wasnt in the other thread for a moment and sent it here
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