Yo dat kinda comes across as sexual frustration
LOL
Nah im messin but for real i think this piece was ok in parts. i just wasn't feelin the general theme of it though. But at the same time i gotta give u sum recognition for your creativity. But not a lot though cos, i ain't hating or nothing, it's just that i've heard the whole "fuckin the next niggas chick" thing time and time again.

Imagery was good, even if a little too graphic to be thinkin bout while i'm eatin my breakfast.Stucture was a lil off at some points but as you progress you'll be able to get that tighter so that ain't nothing major, for now anyway.but Your flow was ok.try to make everything rhyme.and when too words end differently try to make sure the differences are as inconspicuous as possible. in other words make sure the words don't sound too different. Like where you've attempted to rhyme the words "quickie" and "250". They sound too different if you know what i mean.

But to be fair this was an ok effort. just keep elevatin.

Yo give me some feedback on the open mic pieces in my signature.

Peace