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01-24-06, 02:27 PM | #1 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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All I Need
IP: 477B BF7C
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2630633
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=219882 All I Need check it, I need the love from my girl and crew the world i'll sue babygirl if they touch u it'll be like pearl harbor 2 serious drama i'll mysteriously bomb on ya place vietnam shit paced but i'll stay aplomb wit cases tying them laces im ready i blow rhymes to confetti finding them places im flowin thru time so steady already my flow is nice and the glow seems right so ima blow up aight, and maybe go up overnight im outta sight i'll eliminate anyone that gets in my way with might i'll disinergrate any son on any dry day some say im insane in my brain cuz im creatin fires into infernos with waiting desire im hatin the liars leave the criers behind and stack them in line my empire is coming its in the back of my mind its almost here moving slowly just cruising lowly when it gets here it'll 'touch u' and bruise u 'holy' I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental anytime when im glad or tensile sad or gentle its all mental just let me write it'll set me right and yet it abets to obtain my bright delight my insight gives slow scents in my moment i have clarity that goes unspent during torment whether it storming or nice im geared for whatever i appear better and i'll make u disappear forever im confident put me in a booth and allow me to flow i plow people when i go i vow to stay with my glow stay real when i sit and pray for real to the man above damn i love this poetry people thinkin they knowin me but i b-e-t they have no idea like MTV Diary i got the fire in me all i need is a chance to display to make my stance to portray my words in this way to become great from some light to heavy weight im in a ready state of mind let me go i dont want to wait |
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01-24-06, 02:32 PM | #2 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
this was cool, not bad....some lines, eh, didn't like the mtv diary line, heh, just me....uhmm, lol, i just watched pearl harbour on the weekend, good stuff, getting better man, flow is better, rhyming is improving, stepping it up, i like that....
I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental that line was cool, didn't like the next one though, but you def are getting better, so keep up man, good job on the links too, worrrrrd
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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01-24-06, 02:38 PM | #3 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 477B BF7C
Thanks man, yea the MTV Diary just came real quick, really no thought put into it.
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01-24-06, 09:58 PM | #4 | ||||
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IP: 31C2 62EB
Word this was cool could have been alot better some of your bars were really good simpicit and really didnt hit really hard it would have been alittle better worded..to make it feel more poetic..your structure was good you had decent imagery..overall it was a pretty good drop keep it up.
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The Competition
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01-24-06, 10:29 PM | #5 | ||||
-da prophit-
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IP: CF86 0039
killer. i really liked that one, 2 me i believe that was my favorite piece of urs. keep it up.
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01-24-06, 10:31 PM | #6 | ||||||
Pending Delete: Contact Admin
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IP: CF74 5D3A
oh naw you didn't even come hard enough damn man suppose to be expressing anger dawg hell man this ain't how you talk to your dawg " man i'm gonna fuck somebody up" put some attitude up in this please homey anyway practice and keep on posting remember showing emotions earns millions nowadays
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01-27-06, 11:02 PM | #7 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 477B BF7C
aight thanks ya'll uppin
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01-28-06, 09:41 PM | #8 | |||||||
Oye...Tu Sabes..!!
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IP: F1FC 4749
This Was Pretty Good Homie......It Did Have A Few Flaws To It, But It's Still Nice. the Fact That You Had A Few Random Lines In It Made it Seem Like it Lacked Something. The Overall Topic Was Ok...Nice Job. RTF
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02-02-06, 09:23 PM | #9 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: FF99 CB67
yea im still tryin to work out those lines, gotta keep practicin.....uppin
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02-12-06, 02:23 PM | #10 | |||
New to RV
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IP: 2029 97B3
This was ok. in topicals i like it when people spell the word correctly and forget about structure because structure wont get you anywhere if the emotion and imagery isnt good, imagery ws decent in this case but some of your lines were really mediocre. Keep It Up.
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03-18-06, 07:11 PM | #11 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 7536 F419
I need a pad and pencil when im mad or sentimental
anytime when im glad or tensile sad or gentle its all mental just let me write it'll set me right and yet it abets to obtain my bright delight my insight gives slow scents in my moment i have clarity that goes unspent during torment Flow was water right here. I call tell you write with your heart... bot a lot of textcee's so that anymore. so props Some of your verse needs a lil editing. but other then that, this was something that i could relate with. stay sharp
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03-18-06, 08:13 PM | #12 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 2D8D 8897
Thanks man for the feed
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03-18-06, 09:39 PM | #13 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: DFAA AF54
some of the flow was choppy but other than that i liked it homey
stay up
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absolute reality... |
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03-19-06, 10:25 AM | #14 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 2D8D 8897
yea i feel u on that thanks for the feed
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