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02-12-06, 12:47 PM | #1 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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Set Me Free
IP: 9133 A552
Set Me Free
I wanna fly like birds just gettin by with simple words i tried and heard i was good but still it seemed absurd that rhymes could evoke emotion like broken oceans which opened notions for me holding spoken emotions man im just floatin damn i love it when im flowin bust open with rhymes gleamin like a dime glowin never slowin down constantly writing in rhymes forever goin round after round like im fightin the time light's in my mind searchin for the hidden truth forbidden to shoot so pissed ima be hittin the roof didnt let me show my proof man im grown to hoop blew past u so fast and i didnt even own a coupe hopefully i'll be set free by the rhymes buried in me leavin debris its that time and i hope u ready for me quick, i thought it was nice, tell me how u feel. http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2653833 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2653859 |
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02-12-06, 02:44 PM | #2 | |||
New to RV
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IP: 2029 97B3
Really really short, but i liked it, u had good metaphors, your emotion was meh and your imagery was good due to the metaphors, your vocab was nice, and i think i saw some multis in their somewhere, only thing i would tell you to do is make this longer. 1
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02-12-06, 02:56 PM | #3 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 9133 A552
Thanks man, yea i kno its short but it just came to me quick.
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02-12-06, 03:08 PM | #4 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 903F 26CB
1 or 2 lines seemed to be a syallable off ... but this flowed very well I liked it... structured pretty solidly as well... Nice read a good just letting it fly kinda verse... good shit... Holla at me we might need ta collab sometime... 1
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\....../ \..../ \../ A.I. Spilled Inc. |
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02-12-06, 03:11 PM | #5 | ||||
I Chill in Asylums
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IP: 9133 A552
Aight man, will do man, defenitely, ive read some of ur stuff and its good.
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02-12-06, 07:11 PM | #6 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 68E9 5207
pretty decent rhymescheme... good flow, the lyrics were ok, pretty decent concept overall.. keep doing your thing fam.
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i've Been RiPPin VetZ 4'r 4 yrz .. Don't B NeXt! EsCaPed CaNNiBaLisM EmCeE..since 02' |
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02-12-06, 09:53 PM | #7 | |||
Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 56B1 4C65
This was ok, your imaginary and your emotion was ok, write more and you'll be better. The one thing that caught my eye was the metaphors..Very good.
I wanna fly like birds just gettin by with simple words i tried and heard i was good but still it seemed absurd that rhymes could evoke emotion like broken oceans which opened notions for me holding spoken emotions Pretty much sums the metaphors part, your flow was cool but like the other dude said your syllable is off, but that don't mean nothing right now, just keep writing.
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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02-13-06, 07:42 PM | #8 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 09A1 9FF2
hot stuff,
u used a word twice, nothin major bout that i think u need to finish up a lil stronger tho, RTF on Imaginal Decrypting thx dawg, Ü
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Catching kisses in her slime spitz, reelin back as tha rhymez switch
Wouldnt think twice to fill a sublime ditch, wit tha carcass of my divine bitch |
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