Lets all go to wake.

Tighten your neck
And set your heavy
Head on Mary's blur.

These sandpaper quilts
Help me to remember
That I was once alive.
The scratches will heel,
But my esteem needs
A cup of wilted tacks
To survive my suicide.

Whatever you do,
Never shake the
Noose's calloused hands,
The stranger in the car
Says he does his deals
With the monsters
That live under the bed-
Of glass fibers tangled
In my unwashed hair.

Wait for mommy to
Cough blood before
You take your breath,
When her cancers
Begin to kiss your limbs
Finally, it'll be as if
She herself wasn't
Afraid of touching you.

Lets play on the swings.

Try and make it over
That top crossbar.
If you can't, don't worry,
Once daddy finishes
His meeting with Jack
And hugging mommy,
He'll come out and push
You over the stars.

Ya, one day, over the stars...
I hear it's beautiful there.

man that was very simple didn't like that at all and when some one write real rhymes you get pissed you are the biggest cry baby moderater on the net you're also a womanizer and hell when it comes to writing sex no female can touch me lets face nothing but cry baby losers on your site and fiasco got sex picture of herself and can't even write about sex now ain't that a bitch

Everyone fucking hates you... Really, I'm not even just saying it.

aw ATTICUS you hate me because I'm real and you're not damn man you write fairy tales DR zeus would love you

Hm, well, if there ever was a "Dr. Zeus" I'm glad he would have liked my work.

There Is But You The Cat In The Hat Ha! Ha! Ha!

That's Dr. "Sues" you illiterate prick

Self Portrait yeah but you don't rhyme well and rap is not proper English so what your non rhyming ass got to say now? nobody wants your whack ass proper English shit go to london you ass kissing freak goodbye

This isn't rap you retard... It's poetry, hence the "Poetic Scriptures" title of the forum. Rap is in the forum titled "Open Mic," Go figure right?

i think sometimes people confuse short stanzas with simplicity ... when i do poetry online its usually typed quickly as the emotions come to me ... which accounts for my many typos... but you on the other hand .. place careful consideration on your word choice and punctuation .. which is very admirable ..poet to poet... glad bag had it confused .. there was nothin simple about this poem... i read it twice .. and im sure i still missed some of the things u were trying to illustrate... never the less ... i like the style and choice words of description .. like sandpaper quilts ...and noose's calloused hands... i makes the poem more vivid .. the imagery is not straight forward... buti like it because it leaves room for each indvidual reader to explore the poem as they see fit... nice drop

your shit is actually one of the greatist i've ever read before atti.

Wait... The real Da Vinci

As in TC leader and all of that good stuff?

^^ No, he's "Lil 'Cali" he's a wack herb, blah.

I'm gonna leave some feed soon hold up.

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You always come with an amazing writing style in every poem you drop, you have a very original style and technique that you've pretty much mastered, and it keeps getting better. Sometimes your poems are hit or miss though, but when they miss, it's only by a bit, and when they hit, it's always a bullseye, so to speak. This one is definatly a bullseye. The way everything is presented really draws the reader in, and it provokes thoughts from the reader, and causes him to think, wich is something all great poems should do. It has impact on the reader, and it should make most people read it a second time. You have a very complex way of writing, and I liked the structure. It really ended strong, that was one of the strongest endings i've seen in a poem.

"Try and make it over
That top crossbar.
If you can't, don't worry,
Once daddy finishes
His meeting with Jack
And hugging mommy,
He'll come out and push
You over the stars.

Ya, one day, over the stars...
I hear it's beautiful there."

Definatly my favorite section of the poem. Also, the beauty of this poem is how deceptive it is, it's written simple, yet it's very complex. I love that aspect of it.

Anyways, i'm doing my best here cuz i'm not that good at giving criticism, but i'm just gonna tell you, this is def' one of the best poems I read in a while.

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