I hate having to be the one to post these all the time, but its hilarious

About Marriage



Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The Next day he received a hundred letters that all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nights, and so does she.

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course ... at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.

Bigamy is having one wife too many.Many say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% Wedding cake.

Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.

Why do brides wear white at the wedding?
So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove.

God help you if any females read this thread. lol.

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Indeph is a gay guy trapped in a straight guys body sometimes. =/

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Soundclick

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.



that would pretty sum it up in my opinion, thank god im not married

Roflflfllzlfzlflz @ How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Shut the fuck up.

It's not my fault you hate the female population.

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Soundclick

Yes I know They're just pretty delicate demons who I want to kill.

Most gay people don't hate the opposite sex, they're usually friends with them. You're mistaking me for a lesbian.

If you were a lesbian you'd be a girl who likes girls, but because you are a guy, you are a guy who likes girls, but because you don't like girls, you are a guy who likes guys. *blows your mind*

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Soundclick

Nah son. I like girls, I just want to see them suffer and never smile for the rest of their lives. They be ill sometimes though.

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Soundclick

^^lmao. . .wow deph, having some girl problems since birth eh?

Why do brides wear white at the wedding?
So the dishwasher will match the fridge and stove.

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HELLLZ YEEAHH !!!!