so willing to swallow not knowing what it really is
so eager to follow a trail without knowing where it leads
ask no questions before the trusted one feeds
ingestion proceeds
causing visions more unreal then dreams
surreal it seems like between my hands appears some string
rushed over me without warning
suddenly strangers are swarming
all around me
they seemed to enjoy me
made a thousand friends in five hundred seconds
energy gives a warming feeling all around
found by waves of bass instantly controlled my pace
stopping and popping
feels like i'm in outer space body becomes weight
less is more when it comes to trance is all that can make me dance like this rooms whole floor is covered in sweat and puddles of people seems like my whole world is being viewed through a peephole time spent here seemed like forever
but it was only the beggining as we were leaving my
minds eye saw my feet sink in the street
legs felt weak finally got to the grand jeep
thumping and bumping what's that where's it coming from
bleeps blips mixed with bump bump bumps
oh that sounds coming from the trunk
is someone locked in there i ask
but only responses were laughs
it's the music man they say rushes back over me
okay i calmly say it's just because i took
M D M A

to either of mine???

see, i like this one better than the other, and noone replies to this one.

bump

This wasn't too good. Flow was off, content was boring, no components of a decent piece. Keep working at it. Pz!

This was aiight... flow was kinda off... and there was no real meaning to your content so I can't say I feel where you coming from... No what I mean? Keep Elevatin'... Peace...

work on your flow... and it will help alot if you structure your verse... try to keep your bars at a similar length.... also have a specific point you are trying to reach.... i do that alot too, just write and see where it takes me...... but people like to read something that comes together and makes sense.... keep at it though... you have potential

it does have a point....i think only if you've exprerienced X before at a rave....and the aftermath.

i start taking the pill
i end realizing all that happened was because i took it.