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Old 03-04-03, 01:06 AM   #1
.::Dub Glock::.
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Death Incorparated

IP: 11E8 A3DC

~Death Incorporated~

i see me in a box, my reflection is death ~PERSONIFIED~
my words are murder weapons, bloody and ~DEMONIFIED~
leave victims ~TRAUMATIZED~, my language is a ~STEAMED BULL~
cuz I murdered every letter that I learned back in ~PRE-SCHOOL~
i SEEP THRU the ~ESSANCE~ of litterary's ~INTESTINES~
and "shit out" ~RECKLESS~ words that shatter ~PERFECTIONS~
cut words ~IN SECTIONS~ and leave letters with ~INCISIONS~
~IN WRITTENS~ I twist plots, and hide every ~INTENTION~
my mouth is in ~DETENTION~ the rest of me is ~IN JAIL~
stab my lyrics with ~TEN NAILS~ and hammer em ~IN HELL~
words are weapons, my bullets have ~HOLLOW TIPS~
so I can kill ~POL-A-TICS~ when I make the laws ~SWALLOW SCRIPTS~
ALL OF THIS, is MuRdER in the ~FORM OF TEXT~
action in the ~FORM OF REST~, and words in the ~HORNS OF DEATH~
i ride on the ~HORSE OF WAR~, I've ridden this ~COURSE BEFORE~
I'm exposed to the English language, and i use at a ~SOURCE TO ROAR~
an ~EXCUSE~ to ~PRODUCE~ sentances that ~REDUCE~
words int fragments, and fragments into ~RECLUSE~,
I ~SEDUCE~ letters, and RAPE EM with a ~SHARP TOUNGE~
I breathe in lyrics, Ive got a raw throat and a ~SCARRED LUNG~
the ~HARP's DONE~, peace has left, it's ~OVERRATED~
letetrs dance with black magic, Im an agent of DEATH ~INCORPORATED~
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Old 03-04-03, 07:22 AM   #2
inspire
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get rid of all those "~" things and just write it normally, quite a decent attempt, whack some formatting on there and keep rhymin
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Old 03-04-03, 07:31 AM   #3
tRiLL
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IP: 1501 77A0

umm hello is anyone here alive this is HOT shit
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Old 03-04-03, 08:52 AM   #4
Enigmatic
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.Hot Spit.

IP: A6F7 168B

I'm feelin' this flow. Same thing as other dude though, get rid of those little lines around your letters, that shit makes it hard to read... kind of whack.
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Old 03-04-03, 10:49 PM   #5
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"I ~SEDUCE~ letters, and RAPE EM with a ~SHARP TOUNGE~"... you see what's wrong with this line: these ~.... take that out and this was my favorite line...
Yo this this was pretty hot dawg... this piece has a pretty good rhythm of flow to it, and tight rhymes, that sarcastic shit makes it interesting to read...

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