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Old 03-06-03, 03:35 AM   #1
inspire
.-.Marxism.-.
 
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Thumbs down yet another short rhyme

IP: B651 A6D5

*i've been in a slump lately, i was stuck for words on some (most) parts, critcism is needed*

People in this world steady testin me, sayin that god never blessed me,
im the worlds accident, still cant pay the rent, but i know im heaven-sent,
i continue to write rhymes with anticipation, after i do its like an ejaculation, witness the transformation of your tv station
im here to get rid of emcees with no steeze constantly spouting rhymes like "b*tch please", i bring them to they knees,
you flow so choppy it sounds like static, you sound like a smoker whos asthmatic, you think you doper than illmatic,

you call me out to the battle, got a bunch of other suckers followin like cattle,
little did you know you got lead to the slaughter, i can show you pictures of me and your daughter,
i've got more lines than the largest coke deal, my rhymes so true you can tell how i feel,
i dont dilute my rhymes talkin bout nickles and dimes, i just gotta spit it one more time,
got more power than a dodge charger, everyday my flow be gettin larger,
im the verbal vocab king, i've got metaphors and similies that make ya'll sing,
i fade you like colors in a washing machine, suddenly you dont look bling bling,
those rings on your fingers turnin your skin green, you cant battle with the rhymin machine,

so next time you try spittin gangster rap, i'll turn it around on you like a baseball cap,
its not a rap, its religion, im the old man feedin the pigeons,
piegons like you caught in the media, i feed you even though i'm much needier, you get greedier,
you may try and disrespect my flow, but you was raised on mtv sucker you wouldnt know
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Old 03-06-03, 04:16 AM   #2
Orikle
.BeTteR ThAn YoO!.
 
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Inspire man, there's some nice rhymes in there, it aint all that bad, doin it for the South, keep it up dawg!
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Old 03-06-03, 06:21 PM   #3
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yeah this did have some good rhymes,
Decent punchlines: "i've got more lines than the largest coke deal", "i fade you like colors in a washing machine", and others...
simple content but not really that boring to read... and the vocab was kinda simple too...
Keep spitting dawg... keep working on it...

Peace
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