Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That’s 100 fools pitied per second.

Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet.

Al Queda once considered attacks on American youth centers. Then they saw one of Mr. T's commercials about helping kids. They now no longer consider this an option.

Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back.

You're only as big as Mr. T lets you be, and don't you forget it, ever.

Mr. T once ate so much vanilla ice cream that he crapped out Tom Cruise.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.

Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.

Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.

When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.

Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.

Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is, in fact, nothing but Ts.

During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr. Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.

The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.

Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."

Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.

When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.

Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.

Mr. T can count past infinity.

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better fucking run.

Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.

Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger.

World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.

Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.

Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80s.

On the A-team, Face, Hannibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr. T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus. All caucasian people moved to the back.

Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.

Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared; in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.

Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway.

Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

All of the gold in Fort Knox is fake. The U.S.'s actual treasury is chains worn by Mr. T around his neck.

Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with Mr. T.

Chuck Norris once challenged Vin Diesel to an arm wrestling match. Mr. T won.

Mr. T's mother did not break water, she broke molten gold which, upon being born, Mr. T formed into his first gold chain.

Mr. T once owned a beauty parlor called "I Pretty the Fool." No matter what anyone asked for, they always receieved mohawks and a heavy dose of pity.

Mr. T never actually learned to drive, roads simply move to be where he is. A road once failed to move, prompting Mr. T to pity it until it became the Grand Canyon.

The wrath of God is outmatched only by the pity of Mr. T.

There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools. That time was called never.

Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index, better known as "gold." Today he was up 3 points.

Mr. T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.

Mr. T cannot be killed by conventional means. The only known method to destroy him is prolonged exposure to jibba-jabba.

Mr. T and Darth Vader never fought. If they did, even the ewoks would pity Darth Vader fo' bein' a foo'.

Mr. T's real name is Laurence Turead. He pitied his own name shortly after his birth, causing it to shrink with fear and impotence.

When Mr. T isn't busy pitying fools, he gives back to the community by teaching a Jibba Jabba As A Second Language class to immigrants.

Mr. T is currently on a mission to kill everyone who plays World of Warcraft. He was angered when someone using his screen-name was pitied by another fool.

Curiosity did NOT kill the cat. Mr. T's bare hands killed the cat.

The Naga Jolokia is the hottest chilli known to man. Should Mr. T not wash, they begin to grow between his toes. Only a jibba jabbering fool would contemplate eating them. The two people that did swelled up to the size of Mr. T's arms and exploded in a shower of gold, mohawks, and the 1980s.

Mr. T once grabbed a woman's wrist in a coffee shop. When she asked what the matter was, he told her she would give birth in 9 months and punched her in the face for questioning Mr. T.

Mr. T can cause the Earth's rotation to reverse simply by twirling his gold chains around his neck.

Mr. T wears only gold chains. Platinum is for suckas and Mr. T pitties the fool that says otherwise.

If you record Mr. T's voice and play it backwards, you get a Beatles song. You also get a lifetime supply of Mr. T's pity.

Mr. T has only ever cried once, when the mother was killed in Bambi. The reult was the creation of the Pacific Ocean.

In one episode of the A-Team, Mr. T threw a bad guy so hard he went around the world and hit his evil master from behind.

Every 60 seconds, 1000 people get pitied by Mr. T. That is twice the birth rate.

Mr. T once saved Sesame Street from bankrupcy by suggesting they be sponsered by letters.... such as T.

Mr. T causes continental drift.

You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why: Mr. T don't put up with no jibba jabba, sucka.

They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, you only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.

Mr. T IS the force. Luke Skywalker is only a fictitious character and Yoda is loosely based on fool he once pitied.

Mr. T was not born. He willed himself into existence.

Mr. T carries a postage stamp in his wallet at all times. Written on the back is a list of fools he doesn't pity.

Death is Mr. T's way of saying 'Slow the fuck down.'

The dark ages were actually a 600 year time period where Mr. T pitied the sun into hiding.

When Babe Ruth pointed into the stands before hitting his historic home run, he was pointing to his main man Mr. T. Closeup video footage of the Babe shows him saying "Check this one out, homey!"

Mr. T drinks lava and eats quasars. He considers them empty calories.

If you ever see Mr. T walking down the street with no gold chains around his neck, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

The Rock'em Sock'em Robots game is based on Mr. T's boxing style of knocking your fool head clean off.

Everyone knows that Mr. T's favorite football player is Joe Thiesman. When Lawrence Taylor broke Thiesman's leg on Monday Night Football, Taylor was crying because he saw Mr. T standing on the sideline with a baseball bat.

Mr. T is a good bowler, and a good man. He only bowls perfect games and never uses a ball. He stands at the end of the lane and stares the pins down for the first nine frames. He then rips his opponent’s head off and bowls the final frame with it.

As a kid, Mr. T loved to play the game of Hot Potato. Of course, he didn't play with a regular potato. Rather, Mr. T preferred playing with a live hand grenade. Mr. T pities the fool who's no good at hot potato.

The gold chains that Mr. T wears are actually powerful artifacts that keep him from pitying the planet into utter destruction.

King Kong had sex with a tyrannosaurus rex. Nine months later the tyrannosaurus gave birth to Mr. T.

Condoms were not invented because Mr. T's penis needed protection, but because the world needed protection from Mr. T's penis.

Memorial Day is the day we remember all the fools Mr. T has pitied.

Nice guys finish last. Mr. T is never finished.

The Umbrella Corporation created the T Virus from the Mr. T's cells. The Nemesis was actually a clone of Mr. T gone horribly wrong.

The Kool-Aid man stole that Bust-through-the-wall-yelling-"Oh Yeah!" bit from Mr. T.

On the 0th day, Mr. T. created God. Then God worked while Mr. T pitied him.

Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.

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Maleficent

Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shit itself and created Scotland.

Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80s.

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R.I.P. Bodie