Dark and dreary i hear clips bein loaded whenever i hear bodies bein floated through the river i just gotta shiver, i ask god every night just ta deliver me from this mess and save me from the stress and lay me down to peace so i can recieve eternal rest...

i go through the streets and see all different colors of gangs stackin new clips in they thangs, the bloods are red, the cryps are blue, shoot someone is all they eva wanna do, but ta WHO?, U'll get shot and nobody gonna know what the hell happened ta u, i got shot in da mouf spit out a molar that shit wasnt pretty but i got a purple heart of war without leavin the city.

I come home walk in, i see my brothers body rottin beside the door, that shit fucked me up right to tha core, only thing that happened is he fucked the wrong whore, had a note attached ta his body that read he shoulda found another way ta score, now all is left is his body on the floor. i dont say this happens every day but its hard to find just the right hoe ta lay.

I found that bastard i killed his lazy ass and found some where to smoke my fine grass, i smoked to my brotha rest in peace, i know ur up there lookin down with my neace...


~The Truth?~

i swear i've seen this somewhere else before... but i cant prove it... did you drop this anywhere else?
if you peep my other commments and posts you can tell i dont like gangster rap and killing.. this was sorta vulgar... it did rhyme and it flowed pretty good... it was cool... but i didnt like the concept... keep rhymin

That shit is good man, u gettin slept on hard, I feel what your sayin dogg, some advice that was given to me that I reckon you should take on is this:

Your rhymes are very good and it flows well, but I reckon you need to lay it out a little better like in the line:

"blodds are red, cripps are blue, shoot someone is all they ever wanna do but ta WHO?, U'll get shot"

You should just end the line at the end of the rhyme like:

"Bloods are red, cripps are blue, shoot someone is all they ever wanna do but ta Who?
U'll get shot and nobody know what the hell happened to you."

Ya know what I'm sayin bruther?

Just a little pointer for ya bro, its good stuff, keep elevatin!

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I do not relate, Dayton OH. Must be a lot tougher on a guy there... The writing was done pretty well. I can't imagine speaking of my brother rotting against a door. That must have taken a lot of personal strength to post. Keep up the good struggle my man!

"I found that bastard i killed his lazy ass and found some where to smoke my fine grass, i smoked to my brotha rest in peace, i know ur up there lookin down with my neace..."

Why not better mach "lazy ass" and "fine grass"
I don't know, let's say... crazy grass. or, supine ass. There, that rocks the spot.