Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
05-05-03, 11:59 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
|
::: What Can You Say :::
IP: 3AA1 85DF
::::::::
::::::::::: :::::::::::::::: What can you say to a girl with 3 kids only 15 at this point don't know what the real world is~~ What can you say when she travels down life's road, unable to muster the next meal for her young and burdened load~~ What can you say when she struggles for a change, but cant change the fact she does'nt know her baby-daddy's first name~~ What can you say when she wants to go out but stuck home with the kids surrounded by storming clouds~~ I'd say why so soon what were you thinking closed books and open legs, now your life is sinking~~ I'd say where is he now, did'nt he say he cared, did'nt he tell you those special things to get you to go downstairs~~ But no you did'nt listen to me or the person inside your head, now you have responsibilities, and toss and turn inside your bed~~ What can you say when they always say, it'll never happen to me what can you say when they always say I doubt if he'll up and leave~~ What can you say when you see the game but they're blinded by lust not love, what can you say when you're tired of talking, and your words seem to be numb~~ You say well it's you not me, your life is what you paint it but 3 years later it's 3 kids behind her, what can you say she's tainted.... just a spare of the moment type thing *~Holler~* |
||||||
05-05-03, 12:03 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 3AA1 85DF
holla
|
||||||
05-06-03, 04:07 PM | #3 | |||||||
BANNED
|
IP: C725 DC3E
id say show me dis girl cause i love easy pussy
|
|||||||
05-06-03, 04:20 PM | #4 | |||||||
I Am The Light
|
IP: CB2E 7CE0
nice piece--some of it was a bit typical but you stayed on topic well--the ending could have been a bit stronger but overall nice piece.
-1-
__________________
SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next? sacred scriptures record (5-0) |
|||||||
05-06-03, 09:19 PM | #5 | |||||||
Tampons are expensive
|
IP: EF0A E7B2
very simple....i was kinda confuse about the first stanza where u were talkin to the reader then all of a sudden u switched ...well...it was kinda confusin but it was over all deep in a way that its from the heart ...but yeh i agree the ending couldve been better if u ended it with a quote or something that would summarize it all....
just keep doin ur thing...dont take my contructive crtitism personal but i like this piece but like i said it couldve been better... keep droppin them verses...
__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
|||||||
05-13-03, 12:00 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
|
IP: 3AA1 85DF
coo, holler
back |
||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|